Adventure vs. Uncertainty
What do you see when you look into your future?
I leave for Paris tomorrow! I’ll be sure to share some of my experiences there. It feels so great, after a long, hard winter and spring of stuckness to be embarking on new adventures! Paris is not new to me, but I’ll be staying in a new neighborhood (the 19th) and doing lots of new things, while also keeping up my morning writing routine.
In case you missed last week’s news—I’ll be moving away from the concrete jungle of Manchester to a cottage by the sea in Sussex when I return from Paris in August. I found a lovely little house to rent for ten glorious months, the longest I will have lived anywhere since I left the US in 2022. Thank you to all who shared your enthusiasm with me last week!! That means so much.
The other bit of news was that I’m going to be inviting writers to come visit me for solo or group retreats! Let me know if you’d like to be on the list to receive the advance email when all the info is ready. (Just reply, comment, or message me).
Today I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned from this part of my journey—but first let me tell you a little bit about how this cottage came into my life. Because it didn’t just materialize out of thin air. I’ve been wanting it for a very long time. But it actually came when I stopped wanting it so badly!
Cottage ‘Manifestation’ Timeline
Mid-January—I moved into my new apartment in Manchester, a new build (think stark white walls and fake wood floors) with only a sofa, table and chairs, and a bed. I had no dishes, bedding, anything. I went to the store to buy some food, came back to my apartment, and immediately started having vertigo, which persisted over the next four months.
Mid-February—I began working with Sandy Newbigging on the underlying triggers that were causing my vertigo. I also began to yearn (rather desperately) to escape Manchester and resurrected an old dream of mine—to have my own little cottage in an English village. My body seemed to be telling me that it was time to settle down and ground myself somewhere.
March—I did a lot of research into buying a cottage in the UK, convinced that I needed a place that was all mine, not just another temporary abode. But ultimately I discovered it was going to be too expensive and extremely difficult.
Late-April to Early May—I spent two weeks in Edinburgh to investigate moving back. Although my vertigo had been improving with therapy, it returned with a vengeance while I was there. Looking online for a new place to live outside the city where I could maybe afford a little house, all I could find were new-build apartments.
Then I discovered a furnished cottage an hour south of Edinburgh in Peebles and fell in love. I went down to see it (fearful the whole time that I would get vertigo, but I didn’t) and I put in an application. I was only one of two, the agent said, and I felt sure that I had manifested it. This adorable cottage was going to solve all my problems.
May—I did not get the cottage! Sandy had been telling me that until I learned how to feel ‘at home’ wherever I was, then I wouldn’t have learned the lesson the universe had sent me to Manchester to learn. I had to stop running away, mentally or physically. So I stopped looking for a place to live. And my vertigo finally went away!
At the end of May, I attended Sandy’s retreat and realized I had learned how to feel perfectly at home in myself. (I wrote about this in two posts at the end of May, beginning of June.)
June—A couple of weeks later, I casually started looking for furnished little houses, anywhere in the UK, not spending a lot of time on it, just seeing what might be out there in another part of the country. I was in no rush. Within a week I had viewed virtually two lovely cottages and was offered both. I took the one by the sea.
Adventure Again
One of the reasons this new situation feels right is that my landlady knows all about starting your life over. She is moving to Spain, and she gets how complicated it is and what it feels like to be rootless. During our first conversation, she said something that has stuck with me:
“There’s a difference between uncertainty and adventure.”
For the past year and more, I have been plagued with the uncertainty of living in perpetual limbo. Not having a stable home, job, or identity, even, has weighed on me. But that’s not how I felt when I first left the U.S.
I was so full of excitement, throwing myself out into the world to see who I would meet, where I would end up, and what I would do with the rest of my one wild, precious life. That feeling of adventure—craving and embracing the unknown—lasted for about a year and a half.
Then my fears took over. I wanted to know where I would live, what I would do with myself, and who I would be. Where did the endless questioning lead me? Into a cul de sac of anxiety and, ultimately, uncontrollable vertigo.
Now that I’m feeling better, I’m back in adventure mode—less worried about the future and more excited about the possibilities.
But the key is not being wedded to any particular version of the future.
Before, I wanted a certain set of things in my life, and I was trying to figure out how to make them happen. I wanted the relationship I was in to keep going—where it could go, who knew. I wanted to write and publish a novel. I wanted a visa to allow me to remain in the UK. And I wanted a home in Scotland.
But as my coach, Sandy Newbigging, told me recently, you can’t figure out how to get what you want. Because all of the hard work and mental energy in the world can’t make something happen.
Whaaaat?! But that’s what I’ve been doing my whole life, trying to create the outcomes I want.
And how has that worked out for you?
Well, some of it has worked out, a lot of it hasn’t, and I ended up getting so sick I could hardly leave my apartment.
Intuition Instead of Goals
Here is what else I’ve learned:
Having a set goal and achieving it does not lead to happiness.
I lived that way for decades, going after the things I wanted, bending myself into a pretzel figuring out how to achieve them. And even when I did I achieve the things I wanted, they didn’t really made me happy.
Allowing your intuition to guide you is a much more reliable road to happiness.
That means being open to lots of different possibilities and getting comfortable with not knowing the future. Living by your intuition means listening to your body, seeing what feels right as it appears in your life. So you can’t really plan things out too far.
I’ve recently realized: Intuition does not have a five-year plan. It’s your guide in the present moment. It can look ahead a bit, say to a 10-month lease on a little house that feels right. But it has nothing to say to me—yet—about what I’ll be doing after my lease is up.
Intuition can also tell me that writing my novel feels good right now—but who knows where this process will take me. It has recently morphed into a dual timeline story, which is a curve ball I wasn’t expecting. I would like to have a solid manuscript by the time June rolls around and my lease ends. I think that is doable. But life may not have that outcome in store for me, so I’m not wedded to it.
I also have other plans, particularly to develop a new business this fall once my studies are complete, which will entail ramping up my writing coaching again and taking a practitioner course in Quantum Energy Coaching (which has been such a life-changing experience for me that I want to share with others).
So I’m not abandoning goals altogether. Nor desire. I still want things. But I’m trying to remember that the universe may have other plans for me, and I don’t want to fight them or try to bend the universe to my will.
For more on not fighting the universe:
Now it’s your turn. I’d love to hear your thoughts, as always! Do you see adventure or uncertainty in your future? Have you been wedded to a particular version of your life? Do you find yourself swimming upstream, against the current? How would it feel to follow your intuition instead? What would that look like for you?
Until next time, from Paris!
—Anne
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I would absolutely love to be on your list for the workshops when you get the details ironed out, please.
And yes, my life is so filled with ideas and desires that are at odds with each other right now. After my first trip to Scotland last October, I was certain I had finally found the first place that ever felt like home, like it was calling to me with a power and energy that I've never known. Upon return to the Midwest, life had other plans, I separated from my husband of 34 years, moved into an apartment, traveled to Paris (!) for the whole month of January, and returned again only to feel empty again. Paris was not the answer for me after Scotland, which I felt in my soul before leaving, and should have listened to my heart, as Paris was a series of wrong turns and left me cold inside, sick, and injured from a fall. All signs I that should have listened to my body and cancelled or rescheduled to a later date.
Fast forward, I bought a house(!) here after discovering my apartment was so loud I couldn't sleep, and as wonderful as my little cottage is now, I feel so miserable and frustrated at my inability to let go of my fear and make the leap to let go and move to Scotland. Now I have even more hurdles and hoops to jump through to make a move to Europe happen, and I wonder what I was thinking!
You have been such and inspiration and I love learning about your challenges and successes with each new city and home you find. I am excited to learn more about your workshop and to explore a new city and explore the possibilities the a life there has to offer too. (Sorry for writing a book in your comments.)
Uncertainty. Adventure. Intuition. Since my beloved husband died in 2014, my life has gone from frightening uncertainty to being open for my next adventure. Though it all, I listened to my intuition. I learned as a young mother, when uncertain about my next move, to pay attention to what my intuition, my quiet inner voice, was whispering. Rarely has she led me astray.
These days as a I speed toward my ninth decade, I have written a daybook of reflections and write two columns for very different audiences. Two books I edited have been published (working on a third with the same author). I have love in my life. We just returned from two glorious weeks in Italy. My family spoils me with caring attention. I am blessed with friends of my heart that add meaning and spice to my days. Adventure awaits. Shame on me if I don't follow my dreams. I am learning and growing. Watch out world, here I come!
So, Anne, go for all life offers. When you reach your final chapter, you will be proud of yourself for overcoming the uncertainties, going after the adventures and listening to your intuition. You will be grateful you did. Hugs to all.