After living in chronic pain for nearly 8 years, I felt completely stuck as I was turning 50. Then a doctor said something no clinician ever had “you may always living in pain”. This shook me and woke me up to my reality. This catapulted me to change my life. I started writing about pain and my journey with it. I started working with a pain psychologist. I started exploring new professional pathways to use my voice and expertise in health policy to work on the chronic pain issue. Some days my life feels just the same but others I do see the change happening. Small steps can become bigger ones and are perceptions of change are what really matters.
Even as I wrote my first comment on this post life was busy delivering a new twist to my reinvention story. My oldest daughter suffered a stroke on Sunday and I have just flown to Tokyo to be with her. She lives with her father and he is now going to let me stay in his house while we support our daughter’s recovery. She has flown back and forth between us for the past 7 years but my ex and I have not seen each other since I fled the house 7 years ago. Nothing could have prepared me for this situation.
Another baby boomer here! I did reinvent myself at 57, getting married for the first time - after vowing I never would! Last year I gave my first concert in over 30 years, having decided to 'give up' back then. Since relocating in 2020 I've had more time to practise and write. Now the challenge is to keep both going!
Fantastic post! Thank you! I just wrote my next SubStack about my big adventure. I am re-discovering who I am , now at age 52. And road trips are a key for me.
I just finished my biggest road trip ever - Kansas to DC to Cape Breton. To all Maritime Provinces + Quebec & Ontario. To Philadelphia to St Louis back to Kansas.
I am reinventing myself too. I am choosing my path - violin, writing, and health.
Also, I wrote my own version of a book about creativity. I feel that someone who loves Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Big Magic” will love my book too - “Mere Creativity” by Jodi Rose Crump. On Amazon and kindle.
Thank you again for this piece. It resonates with me a lot.
Having stepped through the archway of the menopause (I'm a baby boomer, born before Gen X) I'm loving the freedom that this chapter of life brings. Sure, we may have grandchildren at one end and grandparents at the other, the sandwich generation I'm told, but we also have freedom to reinvent ourselves. I found out one could get a student loan to do an MA up to the age of 60 so at 58 went to Newcastle University and did the creative writing MA. First book (definitely not my last) was published last year when I was 61 😊
I’m so grateful to be reading this today. Dismantling the scaffolding we’ve so carefully built around us for the first part of our lives is utterly terrifying. As you say, they key is trusting ourselves, and the world enough to take that courageous leap.
What will support us without the scaffolding?
Maybe we can be held by the ground? Maybe our legs are strong enough to stand?
A tiny Purple Ronnie card has been on my fridge for years- it says,
‘we must all seek our inner goals yet sometimes we are distracted by the referee.
Is he a new and better goal, or are we just bedazzled by his shiny whistle?’
Trusting the direction in which we’re being guided is difficult when we’ve not always been guided by our own inner compass.
Your last post inspired me to write a post about choosing to be a homebody (https://laurakbray.substack.com/p/hestias-fire) so I love that you are talking about figuring out what you want before just jumping into travel or whatever everyone else is doing. Thank you for your wonderful, thought-provoking essays!
Even though we 'think young', our joints may age and our bodies seem to 'wear' their years of use. I resonated with so many things you mentioned in the post, especially the autoimmune thing and the way our bodies seem to change. I am in my sixties and am starting out a whole new chapter. I think that taking the leap to 'start anew' is frightening because it contradicts what we have been conditioned to believe about aging. But if you decide to start a whole new chapter, then by default you have deleted all that we have been conditioned to believe about aging, life style, mind/body harmony. These years, the 60s and 70s are the best years to change one's life because we are coming into that change with so much more experience and understanding than we had at a younger age. Love yourself ladies, take care of yourselves, believe in yourselves and let the world know what we are capable of...changing our lives so that we can experience our best self. Do not feel 'resigned'...its ok to be tired, fatigued...but not depressed. Depression comes when we try to continue in the pace and life style we had when we were younger and we can't, because nothing is the same...we are not who we were a few years ago, and neither is the world around us the same as it was...so let's break free from all that and live our lives in the best way we see fit, how we want and without any guilt or hesitation to give ourself that luxury and precedence. From the simplest pleasure to the loftiest goal, if you want it, do it. now is the time!!!!
I am pretty sure I am on my third life (I am not quite a cat, but luckier than previous human generations)
I am 59 and in the 3rd Third of my life
1st Third: 20s, The Planning Years: education, the desire to partner, a wedding, early career as real estate paralegal
2nd Third 30s-40s,The Giving years: raising my daughters, home schooling them all the way through (*not* in the game plan), teaching at coops and my Unitarian church, lots of volunteering, caring for parents, briefly dabbled in polyamory and an open marriage (disaster as I was the only one reading the books and trying to be ethical)
Now, looking out at 60 and beyond, I am in my final third and feeling both the weight of intentionality and the finality of mortality. I lost the first of my 6 siblings last Fall and it landed differently for me than other losses. I can relate to how your brother dying inspired this desire in you to Quit Your Life .
3rd Third, 50 and beyond, The Me Years: At 55, in 2020, I had my last drink on NYE 2019, committed to sobriety, pulled the plug on my dying 29 year marriage, re-entered the dating world at 56, fell in love with a few men, then fell in love with myself, met a good man who is calming to my nervous system, am doing the work of therapy and emotional sobriety and finally, finally, letting myself envision a life in which writing is a central character. With the right mindset, I believe we are never too old to change. Many die way before they leave this world. I want to live and learn until my dying breath. Thank you for being a source of thought and inspiration.
In my early 50s, reinventing and reconnecting as both my kids head off to college and I look to "find me" again! Loved this piece
After living in chronic pain for nearly 8 years, I felt completely stuck as I was turning 50. Then a doctor said something no clinician ever had “you may always living in pain”. This shook me and woke me up to my reality. This catapulted me to change my life. I started writing about pain and my journey with it. I started working with a pain psychologist. I started exploring new professional pathways to use my voice and expertise in health policy to work on the chronic pain issue. Some days my life feels just the same but others I do see the change happening. Small steps can become bigger ones and are perceptions of change are what really matters.
Never^^
Loving that breakfast vibe! Having a read ❤️
No.
Even as I wrote my first comment on this post life was busy delivering a new twist to my reinvention story. My oldest daughter suffered a stroke on Sunday and I have just flown to Tokyo to be with her. She lives with her father and he is now going to let me stay in his house while we support our daughter’s recovery. She has flown back and forth between us for the past 7 years but my ex and I have not seen each other since I fled the house 7 years ago. Nothing could have prepared me for this situation.
I’m so sorry, Faith. Sending hugs.
Another baby boomer here! I did reinvent myself at 57, getting married for the first time - after vowing I never would! Last year I gave my first concert in over 30 years, having decided to 'give up' back then. Since relocating in 2020 I've had more time to practise and write. Now the challenge is to keep both going!
Fantastic post! Thank you! I just wrote my next SubStack about my big adventure. I am re-discovering who I am , now at age 52. And road trips are a key for me.
I just finished my biggest road trip ever - Kansas to DC to Cape Breton. To all Maritime Provinces + Quebec & Ontario. To Philadelphia to St Louis back to Kansas.
I am reinventing myself too. I am choosing my path - violin, writing, and health.
Also, I wrote my own version of a book about creativity. I feel that someone who loves Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Big Magic” will love my book too - “Mere Creativity” by Jodi Rose Crump. On Amazon and kindle.
Thank you again for this piece. It resonates with me a lot.
Having stepped through the archway of the menopause (I'm a baby boomer, born before Gen X) I'm loving the freedom that this chapter of life brings. Sure, we may have grandchildren at one end and grandparents at the other, the sandwich generation I'm told, but we also have freedom to reinvent ourselves. I found out one could get a student loan to do an MA up to the age of 60 so at 58 went to Newcastle University and did the creative writing MA. First book (definitely not my last) was published last year when I was 61 😊
That’s awesome, Susan! Congrats!
Thank you. I love my new life, but who knows, there may be other chapters yet to come!
I’m so grateful to be reading this today. Dismantling the scaffolding we’ve so carefully built around us for the first part of our lives is utterly terrifying. As you say, they key is trusting ourselves, and the world enough to take that courageous leap.
What will support us without the scaffolding?
Maybe we can be held by the ground? Maybe our legs are strong enough to stand?
A tiny Purple Ronnie card has been on my fridge for years- it says,
‘we must all seek our inner goals yet sometimes we are distracted by the referee.
Is he a new and better goal, or are we just bedazzled by his shiny whistle?’
Trusting the direction in which we’re being guided is difficult when we’ve not always been guided by our own inner compass.
X
Your last post inspired me to write a post about choosing to be a homebody (https://laurakbray.substack.com/p/hestias-fire) so I love that you are talking about figuring out what you want before just jumping into travel or whatever everyone else is doing. Thank you for your wonderful, thought-provoking essays!
Yay! So happy to get people thinking and writing their own posts!
Even though we 'think young', our joints may age and our bodies seem to 'wear' their years of use. I resonated with so many things you mentioned in the post, especially the autoimmune thing and the way our bodies seem to change. I am in my sixties and am starting out a whole new chapter. I think that taking the leap to 'start anew' is frightening because it contradicts what we have been conditioned to believe about aging. But if you decide to start a whole new chapter, then by default you have deleted all that we have been conditioned to believe about aging, life style, mind/body harmony. These years, the 60s and 70s are the best years to change one's life because we are coming into that change with so much more experience and understanding than we had at a younger age. Love yourself ladies, take care of yourselves, believe in yourselves and let the world know what we are capable of...changing our lives so that we can experience our best self. Do not feel 'resigned'...its ok to be tired, fatigued...but not depressed. Depression comes when we try to continue in the pace and life style we had when we were younger and we can't, because nothing is the same...we are not who we were a few years ago, and neither is the world around us the same as it was...so let's break free from all that and live our lives in the best way we see fit, how we want and without any guilt or hesitation to give ourself that luxury and precedence. From the simplest pleasure to the loftiest goal, if you want it, do it. now is the time!!!!
Re: Two Lives
I am pretty sure I am on my third life (I am not quite a cat, but luckier than previous human generations)
I am 59 and in the 3rd Third of my life
1st Third: 20s, The Planning Years: education, the desire to partner, a wedding, early career as real estate paralegal
2nd Third 30s-40s,The Giving years: raising my daughters, home schooling them all the way through (*not* in the game plan), teaching at coops and my Unitarian church, lots of volunteering, caring for parents, briefly dabbled in polyamory and an open marriage (disaster as I was the only one reading the books and trying to be ethical)
Now, looking out at 60 and beyond, I am in my final third and feeling both the weight of intentionality and the finality of mortality. I lost the first of my 6 siblings last Fall and it landed differently for me than other losses. I can relate to how your brother dying inspired this desire in you to Quit Your Life .
3rd Third, 50 and beyond, The Me Years: At 55, in 2020, I had my last drink on NYE 2019, committed to sobriety, pulled the plug on my dying 29 year marriage, re-entered the dating world at 56, fell in love with a few men, then fell in love with myself, met a good man who is calming to my nervous system, am doing the work of therapy and emotional sobriety and finally, finally, letting myself envision a life in which writing is a central character. With the right mindset, I believe we are never too old to change. Many die way before they leave this world. I want to live and learn until my dying breath. Thank you for being a source of thought and inspiration.
Thank you
You never are old if you think that you are always young
I’m 75 years old. I’m not depressed exactly, but I am resigned.
Can I travel alone and enjoy what’s around me? Can I be independent again?
Your stories are making me think I can. Maybe next year?