There are so many things that can hold us back from creating the things that come into our heads or that can prevent us from living a more creative life. One is the idea that we aren’t qualified or we simply don’t have what it takes.
For our discussion this week, let’s dig deep and think about what is holding us back from writing/drawing/playing the piano/whatever that thing is we want to do. (In case you missed it, our last discussion thread was about what we’re afraid to do but really want to.)
Do you feel like you need a certain training or certificate or qualification or endorsement from someone? Why do you feel you need this particular thing? And do you really need it?
Elizabeth Gilbert is big on giving yourself permission to do all the things that you think you aren’t allowed to do: write about a certain topic, make a certain kind of thing, do something you aren’t supposed to be able to do for whatever reason. Do you feel like you need someone to vouch for you or tell you it’s okay, before you even try? (If you’d like to listen, here is Liz walking us through writing a permission slip for ourselves—for everything we really want to do but feel we can’t.)
In the comments, tell us what you are giving yourself permission to do.
How does that feel? Perhaps writing it down for yourself, sharing with others, and seeing other permission slip will help free you from what is holding you back.
I’ll start: I hereby grant myself permission to write a whole god-damned novel (even though I’ve been trained as an academic and have never published any fiction, even though I’m still learning about how to write fiction, even though it may take years and never amount to anything at all). I give myself permission, therefore, to learn on the job, so to speak, to learn by doing, to fail and make mistakes, and gradually get better over time.
Now it’s your turn! I look forward to seeing your permission slips in the comments!!
I give myself permission to create a podcast that is a platform for people to shine their light and tell their healing/evolvingtransformation story. I give myself permission to be imperfect, to have fun, to see how the creation evolves. I give myself permission to be as woowoo and out there as i choose, and to accept the creation as a living thing, to listen to it.
I give myself permission to write my faith deconstruction story, even though I don’t have a big following. It seems like only folks with ears and eyes on them have permission to tell their story, otherwise it comes across as self-serving when you aren’t well-known. But I’m giving myself permission to write in hopes that writing my story will find the people it’s meant to find and will serve the folks it’s meant to serve.
I hereby grant myself full permission to do what’s important to ME, the artist! To create and write an ENTIRE memoir with all the stories, poems and quotes that I deem compelling!
•Even though I’ve never written anything longer than a marketing presentation or been published - other than social media posts and my business websites,
•Even though I’m a novice writer and boundary setter, a recovering workaholic, an effusive idea generator and a multi-tasker
•And even though it may take many, many years and never be known by anyone other than me,
I give myself complete autonomy to pursue the ups and downs of this relationship with lust, love, compassion, and JOY.
I give myself permission to succeed, to be my best self whenever possible. I'm not talking about being competitive but about recognizing my own light, allowing myself to shine, of not hiding my accomplishments or undermining myself. I give myself permission to recognize my abilities and talents.
I give myself permission to rest, to be disloyal to the inner bully who thinks life is about doing rather than being. I give myself permission to love my body, to drop into its mysterious planet and be curious. I give myself permission to look up at the sky and be pulled toward its wilderness. I give myself permission to play and pray with colour and to call it my sacred practice. I give myself permission to have no agenda, no outcome in mind, no place to get to other than here breathing with my dog on my chest feeling the warmth of her animal body alive, sentient regulating and modulating my aliveness in this moment.
I give myself permission to shamelessly romanticize autumn and say goodbye to summer. It’s not about a lack of ability to live in the moment; it’s about longing for the transitional seasons that bring me comfort.
I give myself permission to write my historical fiction novel in the manner that works best for me, and not worry about whether it's the way I "should" do it or not.
I want to give myself permission to be really slow and not very good at the activity that seems to tug at me. I want to give myself permission to allow myself to be enough even though I have had a voice in my head for decades telling me that I am not enough.
For much of my adult life, I lived alone, had long distance relationships, experienced both solitude and loneliness but also an amazing sense of freedom. I didn’t ask for permission to go study in Scotland, do research in West Africa, move to Ethiopia, live there for 10 years, and then move to Sweden. No asking for permission. Then at 46 I got into a serious relationship and all of a sudden I found myself asking for permission or even more so not doing things/going places because I thought I would not get permission. Now, 4 years later, as I am navigating through (what is mostly a peaceful and mutually respectful) break-up, I am relearning what it is to do what I want. Or to even know what I want. It’s hard. I am amazed at how quickly I was willing/able to give up my freedom and just try to please the other person. It’s like I am learning to walk again.
Oh yes! This! To give yourself permission to have your own "wants", to recognize them, and give them agency in the context of a relationship. I think women give that up too readily, or maybe even unconsciously.
Liza I relate to this! I felt that way when I was married and I’ve had only a few “semi-serious” relationships since and find that I can’t quite figure out how to balance my freedom and doing what I want with being a caring partner who is willing to compromise. Also if I’m honest, I don’t particularly like it when I’m with someone who is doing what they want without considering me! It’s a complicated knot that’s for sure. Cheering you on as you learn to walk again.
Oh gosh, what amazing comments here! Thank you to everyone for sharing them.
I give myself permission to state the fact that I am still a valuable member of society, leading things and participating in everything even at the age of 61 when people expect older women to step back.
I give myself permission to succeed and thrive in the new career I am embarking on.
I give myself permission to stay single, as I have for 20 years, and ignore those who think it's weird that I don't want to find a partner.
I give myself permission to explore even more avenues for adventure in addition to my new career: to spread my creative wings, be constantly curious, and find new ways of expressing myself on Substack.
"I give myself permission to explore even more avenues for adventure in addition to my new career: to spread my creative wings, be constantly curious, and find new ways of expressing myself on Substack."
I love this so much! I am going to write it down somewhere (referencing you. obviously!).
And even though I am trying to close the distance between myself and my long distance partner (4000 miles!), please, everyone, stay single if you want to!!
Isn’t it strange how much everyone seems to want you to find a partner? Or assumes you want to, but just haven’t been able to? I have found that people insist I at least “stay open to it” and I don’t totally disagree (sometimes I am open to it and sometimes not) but I also sometimes feel that staying open to it is really just waiting, and it keeps me from really dreaming about what *I* want to do with my future, because suppose this mystery person who has yet to appear wants something different? Good for you for honoring what YOU want.
Right? This whole narrative that women are somehow "less than" if not partnered has really been amplified in the current US election cycle. And heaven forbid if you don't have children.
I bought a book by Bella DePaulo called “Single At Heart” which is all about the love and enjoyment of being alone and doing what you want. It’s next on my reading list on my bedside table!
I give myself permission to continue building my art career. I started painting again 20 years ago after not having done so for 30 years. I have been discouraged lately, because I can't seem to sell any of it; I had been thinking of just chucking all my art supplies because it seemed useless. But selling is not the only reason I paint, so I'm going to continue.
Great post! I am lucky. I've always dreamed of being an artist, and now I am one! I've been oil painting for 20 years now and getting better at it. Each painting has its own unique challenges, but I love the liberating feeling I get (not to mention flow) when creating artworks.
The one about the novel really spoke to me! I give myself permission to write my heart out and make as much as "shitty" art as I want. I give myself permission to call myself a writer and an artist. I give myself permission to be bad at things, imperfect at things and be slow and awkward as I learn.
I give myself permission to learn and grow along what looks like a scary new path ahead of me, while clinging to grace and hope. I give myself permission to devote time to get better at writing, despite the negative voices. And I give myself permission to continue baking what I love and meeting beautiful people at markets.
I hereby declare I give myself permission to to write this Permission Slip, I give myself permission to learn to play (harmonica, with kids, on a beach, in my heart...),
Even though it's taken me 70 years to get there and have no idea how, I give myself permission to paint 'traditional' landscapes showcasing the beauty of nature that I encounter every day so that others can enjoy it too,
I give myself permission to grow into my heart; to be more compassionate to others, who, like me, are doing their best in each moment,
I give myself permission to accept the love and kindness offered me as freely as I offer it to others, without expectation,
I give myself permission to be safe, happy, healthy, and strong,
I give myself permission to go at my own pace in all of the above, to take as long as it takes, and to be gentle with myself and others in my process,
I give myself permission to be okay with my quirky bits, my slowness, my softness, my enjoyment of my simple life in a camper, my need for occasional 'me' time,
Having written it, I give myself permission to post this Permission Slip!
I’m giving myself permission to write through the very hard things
It’s vulnerable, but it feels like I have to do it, skilled or not. It’s and we never know when someone will benefit from our heart story and find the exquisite beauty in it.
I give myself permission to work at a pace that feels good and allows me to appreciate people. I want to slow down and not worry so much about what I accomplish, as long as I am enjoying my human interactions and creative processes.
Hi Etta—I’m trying to do this too—more connection, less accomplishment, because unfortunately I find that it often is a trade off, hard to go deep on both at the same time.
I give myself permission to share my magic with the world so others can make magic too✨ I give myself permission to be a successful entrepreneur and creator❤️🔥
We are right here—in the comments section. There is so much constructive female energy happening in these comments. Welcome! (Someday I’ll create more opportunities for connection. I’m working on creating space in my life for that.
I'm giving myself permission to feel scared and excited as I plan my move from Nebraska to Virginia. Will the discontent within myself finally disappear if I live in a place I love? Will I be able to find a creativity I didn't have before because I'm inspired by my surroundings? Place is so important. I'm giving myself permission to ask all these questions, to wonder and dream and think, and finally, to be at peace with whatever the answers reveal.
When you do move, resolve to not delay in jumping in to your creative pursuit. Look immediately for people who are pursuing the same thing you are, even if you are new t it. I’m giving this advice because my husband and I just moved to the upstate of SC, where our hearts have been longing to be for several years. Before my art studio was even unpacked, I approached a gallery and was accepted. I joined an outdoor painting group and did not make excuses for not participating. I have been reinvigorated by finding an art community and doing new things. I gave myself permission, and then pushed myself to jump. Good luck on your move!
Love your post and the comments, everyone is so inspirational 🙏✨ I give myself permission to take tiny, mini babysteps towards reinventing myself as a writer after my academic career came to an end due to burnout and long covid (and general gloom over the state of academia in my country). Small steps together may amount to so much more than when I impatiently run and inevitably fall flat on my face.
I give myself permission to cut my work hours so I have time to take care of myself and spend more time writing music. I've been waffling about this for 6 months now and wonder what I'm waiting for. Really no reason - just putting it off because it seems an awkward conversation and I really CAN do it all, I just don't want to.
Nope - I'm talking to my boss this week in our regular meeting! Great challenge:)
Cindy, I totally relate to putting it off because it seems an awkward conversation! 🙃 I have contemplated cutting my hours for some time and that’s part of the reason I don’t do it. (The bigger reason being $ 😐) I hope
This past year, I've given myself permission to draw--something that I haven't done since adolescence. I bought myself good drawing materials--and this is something that I solely do for my enjoyment. (I think I've written about this here before--in a nature writing workshop with Janisse Ray, we were encouraged to draw--and feeling that part of my brain light up was such a wonderful experience!)
I'm going to join you in giving myself permission to write a novel, too. A friend is working on a novel in verse right now--a new genre for her--and today is the day that we are sending each other our work in progress. Community is so helpful!
Good for you Monica! I have started painting for the first time ever because I wanted to do something creative that was not writing, and it’s been so fun. I just paint in my watercolor journal or on small postcard-sized paper because who needs a bunch of big paintings hanging around when I’m just learning. The low stakes have made it more enjoyable for me.
I give myself pemission to fully receive this dream writer's life that I have created for myself; and to enjoy living it every day. I give myself permission to write what I know and see and feel to be true. I give myself permission to care deeply about the people I come from and to lvoe them with my words, poems, and stories.
I thought to clarify a little, in case it resonates with other writers. I have been a full-time poet, writer & performing artist for 12 years. Throughout that time, my work has taken me across the world; I have met and worked with incredible artists and writers and thinkers. However, the financial bottom-line often had me fearful and unable to prioritise my own writing. So I would go through periods of writing regularly, followed by long stretches of working on other projects. Still writing, but haphazardly, not consistently.
In the past four years, I shifted the way I work, to prioritise my own writing projects and writing practice. By last November, everything was in place and I was racked with such guilt at how delicious my life was, that I hit a brick wall. So giving myself permission to full receive this writer's life I've built, means allowing myself to say yes to it fully, to enjoy showing up to write and read daily & release the guilt
I give myself permission to step out of doing mode and just be, not always striving to achieve. I give myself permission to try and fail and not have all the answers. I give myself permission to have big dreams and aim high for things that sometimes seem impossibly out of reach. I may not get there, but oh what a journey I’ll have along the way and maybe I’ll land somewhere even more fantastic in the end ✨
I resonate so much with your first sentence Holly. This writing life can also have us feeling that "If I'm not submitting every week, I'm not doing enough". Thank you for this reminder
Thanks Toni! I’m so glad it spoke to you 🙃 while goals are great, it’s so easy to slip into constantly striving to achieve without pausing to just enjoy being 😅
yes so true! A few months ago, my inner 12-year-old came to me in a visualisation and said: “Is it fun? Is being a writer as fun as we imagined it to be?” and I realised that I had forgotten to just enjoy this life of writing and books and stories. 😅 So I’m going to think of your words this week
Thanks Monica! It’s so tough isn’t it, to not always be chasing the next accomplishment on your never-ending list. Sometimes just taking a pause makes all the difference 🙂
I have a passion for pedagogy and additionally have a new idea for a method of teaching elementary math but, even though this idea has been in my head for over half a year, I still haven't completed the project... or made a considerable dent. I'm waiting for a partner or perhaps my own permission to try something scary. I want to give myself permission but I feel I still can't do this alone.
Oh, this sounds so exciting! When it comes to teaching, I have realized that I love to learn stuff and make stuff--and teaching is a way to make stuff to help others learn. I hope that you will try this new idea out!
I certainly hope I will too!--though, I must remind myself there is no mystic procrastination god pulling me away from it: I'm the only one to blame for putting it off this long.
I give myself permission to live for myself for the first time in my life. Permission to chase my own dreams instead of being the support person for everyone else in my life.
SAME. That is why I'm moving from Nebraska to Virginia. 23-yr-old me put all that on hold to get married, have children, and put all of that before my own wants and needs and dreams.
With school starting soon, I give myself permission to teach brilliant, weightless classes that don’t succumb to tech-creep. They won’t eat all my energy. There will be room in life for other passions.
I love *your* permission slip! Yes to learning on the job!
Great idea for a thread and I am cheering you on with the novel, Anne. You can totally do it!
Here is a permission slip that I have been trying to give myself for 50 years but I keep handing it back to others and to society, giving them the power and the judgement over this precious temporary vessel that carries my soul. Enough!! , a very big part of me wants to say. At 64, it is enough!
I give myself permission to love my body just as it is, for all its working parts, for its ability to carry me strongly around the world as I travel, for the confidence I have in it to allow me to walk the 240 kilometers of the Camino de Santiago Portugese route next month. I give myself permission to love my curves, my extra pounds, my wrinkles, my soft folds of skin, the scars and the stretch marks, the sexiness at the core of me that has nothing to do with the scale. I give myself permission to believe the words I am writing. Finally, once and for all.
Thank you, Amy, for sharing this! So many of us could use this. You’ve inspired me to give myself permission to love my body as well. I look way too critically at it. Loving my belly is perhaps the hardest, so I will start there. I give myself permission to love the soft mound of my belly, to bless it and cherish it, and not to constantly wish it away!
I love this so much! I need to do the same. I'll be 50 next year, and I still mourn for the body I had pre-pregnancy, and I ask myself, WHY? Your body has carried you through so much in the last 24 years: it's changed, just as I have change. Why do I despise it so much? Lots of reasons, I suppose, but goodness, enough is enough.
So beautifully and aptly said Melissa, on all our bodies have carried us through and yet we so easily criticize and find fault, especially women (I frankly don’t see many midlife men agonizing in this way about their bodies). We change, our bodies change. That’s life. And in accepting the change in all its forms, we give ourselves an incredible gift.
It really is a gift! I just have to somehow figure out a way to start accepting my body as it is. While I do need to lose weight for health reasons (diabetes runs in my family), I know I'll never have that twenty-something body back again, and that's OKAY!
I certainly will, post walk Sept 2-17. I recently published a piece about how I am preparing for the walk, not so much physically but in all the ways I look forward to learning more about myself, on this mother-daughter walk, carrying my mother’s memory with me. If you like, you can read it here: https://amybrown.substack.com/p/a-pilgrims-progress
I give myself permission to put my memoir out into the world and to feel that what I have to say is worthwhile and meaningful. Thank you for the encouragement!
That is a tough one, I know from experience. I keep writing away thinking, could I really share this with the world someday? I will have to give myself permission for that one one day, when it’s ready. I’ve already had to give myself permission many times over to start writing and and to keep writing it.
I give myself permission to write about anything I want or I find important to me. I recently wrote about voting fraud -- or rather the lack of voting fraud as I worked as an election inspector at the polls twice this year in Michigan. I did not get political, just pointed out how much goes into voting at the polls and all of the safeguards there are to avoid fraudulent voting. Since then I noticed I lost a subscriber. Was it because I wrote about this particular subject? The subscriber I noticed that is no longer with me (I don't have many) was a well-known author. I am sad if that is the reason I lost her. I guess you can't please everyone.
This is so huge, Nancy! Something I've noticed on these threads is how much we stifle our voices, and ourselves, for whatever reason. Good for you for claiming your voice and authenticity.
All such great reminders and especially on doing a “good enough” job - we can be so harsh on ourselves, setting impossibly high standards we’d never impose on others.
I give myself permission to write a children’s book. I’ve been taking a “how to write” course but I feel blocked. I know the topic but am, for some reason,unable to start writing. Frustrating as hell but trying to be kind and patient with myself as this is a new endeavour.
I give myself permission to let go of unsupportive friendships/relationships —those long-entwined energy zapping over the years ones we’ve outgrown yet carry on despite the negativity and downright mean-spirited nature. How did I not see this before now? It’s about value. I give myself permission to value ME just as I am: introvert, artist, writer, walker, lover of travel, etc.
I give myself permission to participate in this lovely community even though I feel that everyone else is somehow a more sophisticated kind of writer (much of the writing I do is part of my corporate job).
I give myself permission to consider my writing creative (I know it is, but since it’s not fiction, I am sometimes challenged to think of it that way).
I give myself permission to call myself a writer and author (After 3 books and a many blog posts and articles, it seems ridiculous to even write this, but I keep waiting for those labels to feel right. Maybe I have been waiting for someone else’s permission?)
I give myself permission to not be working on any big accomplishments. (After a period of burnout and realizing how much I am sacrificing every time I chase the next accomplishment—only to still not feel satisfied—I have deemed the year 2024 as my “year of no (capital A) Accomplishments.”)
These are so insightful and inspiring, Suzanne! As far as I'm concerned, any creating is creative. (When I worked in hospital administration as a secretary, I often was given the task to take something that a boss had written and revise it to make it comprehensible and polite--I considered that to be a big use of creative energy!)
Oh I love this. So often creative souls feel like we need permission from the ‘other’- a job, a task or commission, an endorsement, when actually creativity is our right!
I give myself permission to follow the breadcrumbs of inspiration and share my knowledge and truth, even when it isn’t perfect.
I give myself permission to notice when I’m unhappy, to trust in myself even when I’m not doing great, to believe I’m a kind person, to let abundance flow unabashedly and to write, no matter how messy and scattered.
Yay. This is what I was thinking about as I was scrolling past others. I give myself Permission to try, and get subscribers, and earn a living by doing something I love and want to dedicate myself to more!!
Yes, like you've said, if they do sign up there is an commitment that as the writer/ scriptor, I must fulfill my part. And again, allowing space and permission to do so as this occurs is how the process will evolve. I enjoy the genuity in your writing. I'm subscribed.
I give myself permission to retire - which a friend told me yesterday really means ‘to step back’. I give myself permission to step back from old lives, roles and personas. I give myself permission to be the coach therapist I truly long to be. I give myself permission to embrace my creativity and spirituality. I give myself permission to spend oodles of time playing with paint because I love colour. I give myself permission to write about the stuff I want to write about and purely because I enjoy it. I give myself permission to relax about earning money.
I want so much to give myself permission to step back from business writing entirely, to retire from that & step toward creative writing that feeds my soul—but I can’t afford it yet (i’m 64). The longing is great however. If only I could support myself through my creative writing. Could I give myself permission to at least explore that? You inspire me, Lynn. Your plan sounds beautiful & expansive.
Amy you are a beautiful writer (I just went and read a piece on your own Substack) and I hope you will explore doing more creative writing. I, too, do a lot of business writing and crave being able to do more of another kind, but I also try to remind myself what a blessing it is to be well-paid to write at all, as so many people wish they could make a living writing. I am 10 years behind you so have even longer to keep it up, especially with 2 kids just beginning their college years, but I am trying to lean in to making the writing I do as part of my job more personal and creative. I am glad to have found you as I relate to how you write about your divorce (I felt similarly) and my father died 5 years ago after more than a decade of decline into dementia. I can’t wait to read about your Camino.
This response warmed my heart so; thank you Suzanne for the support, encouragement and solidarity. Let’s both lean in to the best versions of ourselves & the life we desire.
I hear you! I’m 64 too and increasingly aware of “if not now then when?” Do it, give yourself permission to explore making a living from your creative writing, take baby steps, your soul will thank you 🙏
I love this so much!!! ❤️❤️❤️ I officially left teaching almost two years ago, after months of agonizing over when would be the right time. I love the way you emphasize the meaning of the word “retire.”
I give myself permission to get up off my behind where I have been caring for my sick husband and then loosing him — I give myself permission to get back into the world, follow my curiosity, write — write short stories that don’t knock you out, don’t deal with terrible trauma — just nice stories.
Mary Oliver once gave herself permission to build a house and she got out wood and nails and a hammer and built a house. Not a beautiful house but a house just the same. Her
Carpenter, she discovered, enjoyed writing poems— not knock out poems but just poems. We all have permission to be creative!
Susan, your words are moving. I just lost a sister. I was not her caregiver. But I still am wrestling with the waves of emotions—of being in or of going out. I’m glad to see you are ready to move. I am trying to give myself time and trust that I will know when it is time to get up and move again…
So sorry for your loss. Our culture in the US doesn't allow us the time to grieve. I was crying at work over a friend's death a decade ago, and a someone I considered a friend asked me why I was crying. I was taught to push the crying down. After my sister passed away, and I wasn't her direct caregiver, I cried for a year. I had trouble getting on with life. Eventually I did, though, but only after I allowed myself the grief period.
I give myself permission to reinvent myself as many times as I need to as I continue to grow into the best possible version of myself each day. I give myself permission to disappoint people in service of following my heart, even if the places it wants me to go seem unconventional and new. (I also give myself permission to really show up here as myself - this is my first comment on Substack!)
Yes, yes, YES. I have a poster hanging on my closet door and it says, "Reset, restart, refocus. As many times as you need to." I think we can add "reinvent" to that, too!
Oh wow, Sarah-Jane--these are all powerful statements! I am working on being okay with disappointing people--it's a tough, but important, thing to learn.
What a powerful first comment Sarah-Jane! It resonates so strongly with me, especially not worrying about disappointing others - we each have to follow our own path even if those close to us might find our choices perplexing. Thanks for sharing so openly :)
Thank you Holly. I’m so glad my words resonated with your own experience. It’s not easy to tune out the noise of other people’s opinions, beliefs and desires so that we can hear our own inner voice, let along to act upon what it tells us.
I give myself permission to build the community of history & historical fiction writers I’ve been dreaming of creating here on Substack. For so long I’ve thought, I don’t have any qualifications for this so no one will think I’m capable / worth listening to. But, I’ve decided that it can be a space where we learn together (and I realise that I do know a bit about writing, as endorsed by readers on here), so I have recently launched ‘The Scriptorium’ for founding members, and I can’t wait to build it! Permission granted ✨ thank you for this encouraging thread!
Ooh I’m so glad! I agonised over it, as I wanted something that would give the feel of history and writing, but just couldn’t think of something. And then it came to me in the car yesterday and just felt so right…
It's funny how one question can throw up so many answers. As I sit here I am struggling to come up with anything because with each one, I fear that I will let myself down and not go through with it. Maybe the answer is in this sentence - I give myself permission to let go of the outcome and just give myself permission to be my own best friend a little more each day.
Thank you Holly...always easier said than done, but I am going to do one thing each day to be a little kinder to my soul and heart. I wish the same for you x
So I'm finally on leave and had planned to do lots of exhibitions and stuff, but it's 33 celsius and my body is telling me to chill under a tree with my Kindle - today's baby step to self-compassion. I hope yours are going well :)
That’s a great one! I find that it can be so hard to believe but that we always have the answers for what we need inside of ourselves. Wonderful that you’re listening to yourself.
Thank you Jillian. I totally agree. I used to ask everyone else around me before asking myself. We are our own storybook of wisdom and knowledge, we just need to open it.
Thank you Anne. Why does it seem so much easier to give love and kindness to others but not to ourselves? I am slowly trying to make some changes, because by giving to myself I am also more able to give to others.
This is great! It's funny how easy something is when someone else says it. I posted an essay a couple of days ago almost the same topic, but perhaps from the other side of the mirror. It too includes a bit about dropping out of academia to write a novel that might fail, in in it the focus is on how that was surrounded by caveats about having already done “enough” in other contexts. Reading yours here makes one realize how one can impose limits on oneself that one would one would adamantly reject if one saw someone else being hampered by them.
Good grief, the mistakes that come in when typing quickly on a tiny keyboard! Can’t edit within the app, so here is a less error-riddled version of that comment:
This is great! It's funny how easy something is when someone else says it. I posted an essay a couple of days ago on almost the same topic, but perhaps from the other side of the mirror. It too includes a bit about dropping out of academia to write a novel that might fail, but in it the focus is on how that was surrounded by caveats about having already done “enough” in other contexts.
Reading yours here makes one realize how one can impose limits on oneself that one would adamantly reject if one saw someone else being hampered by them.
I give myself permission to create a podcast that is a platform for people to shine their light and tell their healing/evolvingtransformation story. I give myself permission to be imperfect, to have fun, to see how the creation evolves. I give myself permission to be as woowoo and out there as i choose, and to accept the creation as a living thing, to listen to it.
I love it! Be as woowoo as you want to be!
I love your art - all you write and create. Thank you for sharing your adventure with us.
I give myself permission to take a rest day.
And, I give myself permission to do something simply because I want to. To do it whether it is useful or not.
I give myself permission to write my faith deconstruction story, even though I don’t have a big following. It seems like only folks with ears and eyes on them have permission to tell their story, otherwise it comes across as self-serving when you aren’t well-known. But I’m giving myself permission to write in hopes that writing my story will find the people it’s meant to find and will serve the folks it’s meant to serve.
Love this Carolyn.
I hereby grant myself full permission to do what’s important to ME, the artist! To create and write an ENTIRE memoir with all the stories, poems and quotes that I deem compelling!
•Even though I’ve never written anything longer than a marketing presentation or been published - other than social media posts and my business websites,
•Even though I’m a novice writer and boundary setter, a recovering workaholic, an effusive idea generator and a multi-tasker
•And even though it may take many, many years and never be known by anyone other than me,
I give myself complete autonomy to pursue the ups and downs of this relationship with lust, love, compassion, and JOY.
I give myself permission to succeed, to be my best self whenever possible. I'm not talking about being competitive but about recognizing my own light, allowing myself to shine, of not hiding my accomplishments or undermining myself. I give myself permission to recognize my abilities and talents.
Beautiful! I love it.
I give myself permission to rest, to be disloyal to the inner bully who thinks life is about doing rather than being. I give myself permission to love my body, to drop into its mysterious planet and be curious. I give myself permission to look up at the sky and be pulled toward its wilderness. I give myself permission to play and pray with colour and to call it my sacred practice. I give myself permission to have no agenda, no outcome in mind, no place to get to other than here breathing with my dog on my chest feeling the warmth of her animal body alive, sentient regulating and modulating my aliveness in this moment.
Yes, lovely!
Beautiful.
I give myself permission to be patient and take every idea as a good one. Creative block doesn't define me as a creative
I give myself permission to shamelessly romanticize autumn and say goodbye to summer. It’s not about a lack of ability to live in the moment; it’s about longing for the transitional seasons that bring me comfort.
I, too, have been wishing away the summer and I am so eager for fall.
I give myself permission to write my historical fiction novel in the manner that works best for me, and not worry about whether it's the way I "should" do it or not.
I want to give myself permission to be really slow and not very good at the activity that seems to tug at me. I want to give myself permission to allow myself to be enough even though I have had a voice in my head for decades telling me that I am not enough.
For much of my adult life, I lived alone, had long distance relationships, experienced both solitude and loneliness but also an amazing sense of freedom. I didn’t ask for permission to go study in Scotland, do research in West Africa, move to Ethiopia, live there for 10 years, and then move to Sweden. No asking for permission. Then at 46 I got into a serious relationship and all of a sudden I found myself asking for permission or even more so not doing things/going places because I thought I would not get permission. Now, 4 years later, as I am navigating through (what is mostly a peaceful and mutually respectful) break-up, I am relearning what it is to do what I want. Or to even know what I want. It’s hard. I am amazed at how quickly I was willing/able to give up my freedom and just try to please the other person. It’s like I am learning to walk again.
Oh yes! This! To give yourself permission to have your own "wants", to recognize them, and give them agency in the context of a relationship. I think women give that up too readily, or maybe even unconsciously.
Thank you for sharing this, Liza! It’s a helpful reminder that our personal relationships can also be places where we may feel we need permission.
Liza I relate to this! I felt that way when I was married and I’ve had only a few “semi-serious” relationships since and find that I can’t quite figure out how to balance my freedom and doing what I want with being a caring partner who is willing to compromise. Also if I’m honest, I don’t particularly like it when I’m with someone who is doing what they want without considering me! It’s a complicated knot that’s for sure. Cheering you on as you learn to walk again.
I can relate!
Oh gosh, what amazing comments here! Thank you to everyone for sharing them.
I give myself permission to state the fact that I am still a valuable member of society, leading things and participating in everything even at the age of 61 when people expect older women to step back.
I give myself permission to succeed and thrive in the new career I am embarking on.
I give myself permission to stay single, as I have for 20 years, and ignore those who think it's weird that I don't want to find a partner.
I give myself permission to explore even more avenues for adventure in addition to my new career: to spread my creative wings, be constantly curious, and find new ways of expressing myself on Substack.
"I give myself permission to explore even more avenues for adventure in addition to my new career: to spread my creative wings, be constantly curious, and find new ways of expressing myself on Substack."
I love this so much! I am going to write it down somewhere (referencing you. obviously!).
And even though I am trying to close the distance between myself and my long distance partner (4000 miles!), please, everyone, stay single if you want to!!
Isn’t it strange how much everyone seems to want you to find a partner? Or assumes you want to, but just haven’t been able to? I have found that people insist I at least “stay open to it” and I don’t totally disagree (sometimes I am open to it and sometimes not) but I also sometimes feel that staying open to it is really just waiting, and it keeps me from really dreaming about what *I* want to do with my future, because suppose this mystery person who has yet to appear wants something different? Good for you for honoring what YOU want.
Right? This whole narrative that women are somehow "less than" if not partnered has really been amplified in the current US election cycle. And heaven forbid if you don't have children.
I bought a book by Bella DePaulo called “Single At Heart” which is all about the love and enjoyment of being alone and doing what you want. It’s next on my reading list on my bedside table!
I will check it out!
I bet you have decades of wisdom to share Sally! And your curiosity will keep your mind growing every year 🙃
I give myself permission to continue building my art career. I started painting again 20 years ago after not having done so for 30 years. I have been discouraged lately, because I can't seem to sell any of it; I had been thinking of just chucking all my art supplies because it seemed useless. But selling is not the only reason I paint, so I'm going to continue.
Yes! Keep going! Selling our work is definitely not only the reason we create. We create it first of all for ourselves.
Great post! I am lucky. I've always dreamed of being an artist, and now I am one! I've been oil painting for 20 years now and getting better at it. Each painting has its own unique challenges, but I love the liberating feeling I get (not to mention flow) when creating artworks.
The one about the novel really spoke to me! I give myself permission to write my heart out and make as much as "shitty" art as I want. I give myself permission to call myself a writer and an artist. I give myself permission to be bad at things, imperfect at things and be slow and awkward as I learn.
I give myself permission to learn and grow along what looks like a scary new path ahead of me, while clinging to grace and hope. I give myself permission to devote time to get better at writing, despite the negative voices. And I give myself permission to continue baking what I love and meeting beautiful people at markets.
Thank you Anne!
I hereby declare I give myself permission to to write this Permission Slip, I give myself permission to learn to play (harmonica, with kids, on a beach, in my heart...),
Even though it's taken me 70 years to get there and have no idea how, I give myself permission to paint 'traditional' landscapes showcasing the beauty of nature that I encounter every day so that others can enjoy it too,
I give myself permission to grow into my heart; to be more compassionate to others, who, like me, are doing their best in each moment,
I give myself permission to accept the love and kindness offered me as freely as I offer it to others, without expectation,
I give myself permission to be safe, happy, healthy, and strong,
I give myself permission to go at my own pace in all of the above, to take as long as it takes, and to be gentle with myself and others in my process,
I give myself permission to be okay with my quirky bits, my slowness, my softness, my enjoyment of my simple life in a camper, my need for occasional 'me' time,
Having written it, I give myself permission to post this Permission Slip!
This is so beautiful! So much compassion for yourself here. <3
Beautifully said.
I’m giving myself permission to write through the very hard things
It’s vulnerable, but it feels like I have to do it, skilled or not. It’s and we never know when someone will benefit from our heart story and find the exquisite beauty in it.
🌹♥️🌹
I give myself permission to work at a pace that feels good and allows me to appreciate people. I want to slow down and not worry so much about what I accomplish, as long as I am enjoying my human interactions and creative processes.
Hi Etta—I’m trying to do this too—more connection, less accomplishment, because unfortunately I find that it often is a trade off, hard to go deep on both at the same time.
These are great resolutions! I’m giving myself permisison not to worry as much about the outcome as well.
I give myself permission to share my magic with the world so others can make magic too✨ I give myself permission to be a successful entrepreneur and creator❤️🔥
Hello ma'am
Do you have any community/ group dedicated to women.
I think I need it.... This constructive feminine energy.
Hi Shubhanshi, You might enjoy the Step Up Club if you’re looking for Co-working and other things.
https://aliceolins.substack.com/
We are right here—in the comments section. There is so much constructive female energy happening in these comments. Welcome! (Someday I’ll create more opportunities for connection. I’m working on creating space in my life for that.
Hi Anne
That's true about the content section! We do need a safe space exclusively for women to celebrate their own and each other's femininity 💯
I give myself permission to explore writing non fiction and showing up every week to share what I’ve been learning
I'm giving myself permission to feel scared and excited as I plan my move from Nebraska to Virginia. Will the discontent within myself finally disappear if I live in a place I love? Will I be able to find a creativity I didn't have before because I'm inspired by my surroundings? Place is so important. I'm giving myself permission to ask all these questions, to wonder and dream and think, and finally, to be at peace with whatever the answers reveal.
When you do move, resolve to not delay in jumping in to your creative pursuit. Look immediately for people who are pursuing the same thing you are, even if you are new t it. I’m giving this advice because my husband and I just moved to the upstate of SC, where our hearts have been longing to be for several years. Before my art studio was even unpacked, I approached a gallery and was accepted. I joined an outdoor painting group and did not make excuses for not participating. I have been reinvigorated by finding an art community and doing new things. I gave myself permission, and then pushed myself to jump. Good luck on your move!
This is such excellent advice. Thank you so much! I’m off right now to go and look for writing groups in that area!
Love your post and the comments, everyone is so inspirational 🙏✨ I give myself permission to take tiny, mini babysteps towards reinventing myself as a writer after my academic career came to an end due to burnout and long covid (and general gloom over the state of academia in my country). Small steps together may amount to so much more than when I impatiently run and inevitably fall flat on my face.
I give myself permission to cut my work hours so I have time to take care of myself and spend more time writing music. I've been waffling about this for 6 months now and wonder what I'm waiting for. Really no reason - just putting it off because it seems an awkward conversation and I really CAN do it all, I just don't want to.
Nope - I'm talking to my boss this week in our regular meeting! Great challenge:)
Cindy, I totally relate to putting it off because it seems an awkward conversation! 🙃 I have contemplated cutting my hours for some time and that’s part of the reason I don’t do it. (The bigger reason being $ 😐) I hope
you do it!
This past year, I've given myself permission to draw--something that I haven't done since adolescence. I bought myself good drawing materials--and this is something that I solely do for my enjoyment. (I think I've written about this here before--in a nature writing workshop with Janisse Ray, we were encouraged to draw--and feeling that part of my brain light up was such a wonderful experience!)
I'm going to join you in giving myself permission to write a novel, too. A friend is working on a novel in verse right now--a new genre for her--and today is the day that we are sending each other our work in progress. Community is so helpful!
Good for you Monica! I have started painting for the first time ever because I wanted to do something creative that was not writing, and it’s been so fun. I just paint in my watercolor journal or on small postcard-sized paper because who needs a bunch of big paintings hanging around when I’m just learning. The low stakes have made it more enjoyable for me.
How wonderful! You’re so right about how small stakes can be so encouraging.
Yes, it is! I’m glad you have someone to share your work with and keep you acocuntable.
I give myself pemission to fully receive this dream writer's life that I have created for myself; and to enjoy living it every day. I give myself permission to write what I know and see and feel to be true. I give myself permission to care deeply about the people I come from and to lvoe them with my words, poems, and stories.
Thank you Anne, for this post.
I thought to clarify a little, in case it resonates with other writers. I have been a full-time poet, writer & performing artist for 12 years. Throughout that time, my work has taken me across the world; I have met and worked with incredible artists and writers and thinkers. However, the financial bottom-line often had me fearful and unable to prioritise my own writing. So I would go through periods of writing regularly, followed by long stretches of working on other projects. Still writing, but haphazardly, not consistently.
In the past four years, I shifted the way I work, to prioritise my own writing projects and writing practice. By last November, everything was in place and I was racked with such guilt at how delicious my life was, that I hit a brick wall. So giving myself permission to full receive this writer's life I've built, means allowing myself to say yes to it fully, to enjoy showing up to write and read daily & release the guilt
It sounds like a great adventure over the years Toni and great that you’re fully embracing your power as a writer now!
I give myself permission to step out of doing mode and just be, not always striving to achieve. I give myself permission to try and fail and not have all the answers. I give myself permission to have big dreams and aim high for things that sometimes seem impossibly out of reach. I may not get there, but oh what a journey I’ll have along the way and maybe I’ll land somewhere even more fantastic in the end ✨
Me too! I am calling 2024 my year of no Accomplishments!
I resonate so much with your first sentence Holly. This writing life can also have us feeling that "If I'm not submitting every week, I'm not doing enough". Thank you for this reminder
Thanks Toni! I’m so glad it spoke to you 🙃 while goals are great, it’s so easy to slip into constantly striving to achieve without pausing to just enjoy being 😅
yes so true! A few months ago, my inner 12-year-old came to me in a visualisation and said: “Is it fun? Is being a writer as fun as we imagined it to be?” and I realised that I had forgotten to just enjoy this life of writing and books and stories. 😅 So I’m going to think of your words this week
That sounds like such an inspiring visualisation. And you’ve prompted me to refocus on the fun too, thanks Toni! ✨
"Not always striving to achieve"--this resonates with me so much, Holly. Thank you.
Thanks Monica! It’s so tough isn’t it, to not always be chasing the next accomplishment on your never-ending list. Sometimes just taking a pause makes all the difference 🙂
I have a passion for pedagogy and additionally have a new idea for a method of teaching elementary math but, even though this idea has been in my head for over half a year, I still haven't completed the project... or made a considerable dent. I'm waiting for a partner or perhaps my own permission to try something scary. I want to give myself permission but I feel I still can't do this alone.
How can we support you taking this action?
Oh, this sounds so exciting! When it comes to teaching, I have realized that I love to learn stuff and make stuff--and teaching is a way to make stuff to help others learn. I hope that you will try this new idea out!
I certainly hope I will too!--though, I must remind myself there is no mystic procrastination god pulling me away from it: I'm the only one to blame for putting it off this long.
I give myself permission to live for myself for the first time in my life. Permission to chase my own dreams instead of being the support person for everyone else in my life.
Yes! I second that! Is it an Amy thing?😀
Maybe so 🤣
I love this Amy. A friend recently shared that "everyone is a main character" - here's to you being the main character of your life 🌺
Here’s to “main character energy!”
💃🏽🤗 Yes!
Thanks Toni, and yes, finally!
SAME. That is why I'm moving from Nebraska to Virginia. 23-yr-old me put all that on hold to get married, have children, and put all of that before my own wants and needs and dreams.
With school starting soon, I give myself permission to teach brilliant, weightless classes that don’t succumb to tech-creep. They won’t eat all my energy. There will be room in life for other passions.
I love *your* permission slip! Yes to learning on the job!
Great idea for a thread and I am cheering you on with the novel, Anne. You can totally do it!
Here is a permission slip that I have been trying to give myself for 50 years but I keep handing it back to others and to society, giving them the power and the judgement over this precious temporary vessel that carries my soul. Enough!! , a very big part of me wants to say. At 64, it is enough!
I give myself permission to love my body just as it is, for all its working parts, for its ability to carry me strongly around the world as I travel, for the confidence I have in it to allow me to walk the 240 kilometers of the Camino de Santiago Portugese route next month. I give myself permission to love my curves, my extra pounds, my wrinkles, my soft folds of skin, the scars and the stretch marks, the sexiness at the core of me that has nothing to do with the scale. I give myself permission to believe the words I am writing. Finally, once and for all.
Thank you, Amy, for sharing this! So many of us could use this. You’ve inspired me to give myself permission to love my body as well. I look way too critically at it. Loving my belly is perhaps the hardest, so I will start there. I give myself permission to love the soft mound of my belly, to bless it and cherish it, and not to constantly wish it away!
I love this so much! I need to do the same. I'll be 50 next year, and I still mourn for the body I had pre-pregnancy, and I ask myself, WHY? Your body has carried you through so much in the last 24 years: it's changed, just as I have change. Why do I despise it so much? Lots of reasons, I suppose, but goodness, enough is enough.
So beautifully and aptly said Melissa, on all our bodies have carried us through and yet we so easily criticize and find fault, especially women (I frankly don’t see many midlife men agonizing in this way about their bodies). We change, our bodies change. That’s life. And in accepting the change in all its forms, we give ourselves an incredible gift.
It really is a gift! I just have to somehow figure out a way to start accepting my body as it is. While I do need to lose weight for health reasons (diabetes runs in my family), I know I'll never have that twenty-something body back again, and that's OKAY!
Hooray!!!!
YES!!! Good luck with the trail Amy. Will you be writing about your walk on Substack?
I certainly will, post walk Sept 2-17. I recently published a piece about how I am preparing for the walk, not so much physically but in all the ways I look forward to learning more about myself, on this mother-daughter walk, carrying my mother’s memory with me. If you like, you can read it here: https://amybrown.substack.com/p/a-pilgrims-progress
I give myself permission to put my memoir out into the world and to feel that what I have to say is worthwhile and meaningful. Thank you for the encouragement!
That is a tough one, I know from experience. I keep writing away thinking, could I really share this with the world someday? I will have to give myself permission for that one one day, when it’s ready. I’ve already had to give myself permission many times over to start writing and and to keep writing it.
Yes, just writing it takes bravery! I hope you will decide to share it someday.
Yes! I am confident that your words are worthwhile and meaningful.
Thank you! ❤️
I give myself permission to write about anything I want or I find important to me. I recently wrote about voting fraud -- or rather the lack of voting fraud as I worked as an election inspector at the polls twice this year in Michigan. I did not get political, just pointed out how much goes into voting at the polls and all of the safeguards there are to avoid fraudulent voting. Since then I noticed I lost a subscriber. Was it because I wrote about this particular subject? The subscriber I noticed that is no longer with me (I don't have many) was a well-known author. I am sad if that is the reason I lost her. I guess you can't please everyone.
This is so huge, Nancy! Something I've noticed on these threads is how much we stifle our voices, and ourselves, for whatever reason. Good for you for claiming your voice and authenticity.
There are so many reasons people unsubscribe that have nothing to do with us and our writing. My policy is not to look at them.
I’ve been slowly getting better at this with practice, but as a reminder I give myself permission:
- to not be liked (or to try to be liked) by everyone
- to have boundaries between my work and home lives
- to rest
- to care for myself as I care for others
- to do a “good enough” job
- to be human
"Good enough" is such an important, useful concept. I am grateful for the yoga teacher I once had who used this phrase a lot in class.
All such great reminders and especially on doing a “good enough” job - we can be so harsh on ourselves, setting impossibly high standards we’d never impose on others.
Absolutely!
Lovely!
I give myself permission to write a children’s book. I’ve been taking a “how to write” course but I feel blocked. I know the topic but am, for some reason,unable to start writing. Frustrating as hell but trying to be kind and patient with myself as this is a new endeavour.
It can help to start with low stakes. Making notes, free writing, brainstorming. Good luck getting into it
Thanks Anne 🙏
I give myself permission to let go of unsupportive friendships/relationships —those long-entwined energy zapping over the years ones we’ve outgrown yet carry on despite the negativity and downright mean-spirited nature. How did I not see this before now? It’s about value. I give myself permission to value ME just as I am: introvert, artist, writer, walker, lover of travel, etc.
I give myself permission to participate in this lovely community even though I feel that everyone else is somehow a more sophisticated kind of writer (much of the writing I do is part of my corporate job).
I give myself permission to consider my writing creative (I know it is, but since it’s not fiction, I am sometimes challenged to think of it that way).
I give myself permission to call myself a writer and author (After 3 books and a many blog posts and articles, it seems ridiculous to even write this, but I keep waiting for those labels to feel right. Maybe I have been waiting for someone else’s permission?)
I give myself permission to not be working on any big accomplishments. (After a period of burnout and realizing how much I am sacrificing every time I chase the next accomplishment—only to still not feel satisfied—I have deemed the year 2024 as my “year of no (capital A) Accomplishments.”)
These are so insightful and inspiring, Suzanne! As far as I'm concerned, any creating is creative. (When I worked in hospital administration as a secretary, I often was given the task to take something that a boss had written and revise it to make it comprehensible and polite--I considered that to be a big use of creative energy!)
These are wonderful things to allow yourself! It’s so easy for us to feel like imposters. But you certainly are a writer!
These are wonderful things to allow yourself! It’s so easy for us to feel like imposters. But you certainly are a writer!
Agreed!
Oh I love this. So often creative souls feel like we need permission from the ‘other’- a job, a task or commission, an endorsement, when actually creativity is our right!
I give myself permission to follow the breadcrumbs of inspiration and share my knowledge and truth, even when it isn’t perfect.
"the breadcrumbs of inspiriation" -I love this phrase. Thank you Eleanor. and yes to sharing your knowledge and truth even when it isn't perfect.
Gosh, I love the idea of following the breadcrumbs of inspiration and just seeing where they lead me! Thanks for sharing Eleanor :)
Oh Thankyou! Enjoy the adventure!
So lovely—yes, creativity is our right. When we’re kids don’t need permission to create. We just do it, with whatever is handy.
I give myself permission to be happy! 🌈🪻☀️
Wonderful! I love it!
I give myself permission to notice when I’m unhappy, to trust in myself even when I’m not doing great, to believe I’m a kind person, to let abundance flow unabashedly and to write, no matter how messy and scattered.
I give myself permission to have the retirement I want.
Oh yes, and another one! I give myself permission to set up paid subscriptions on Substack for fear I won’t get any 😂
Yay. This is what I was thinking about as I was scrolling past others. I give myself Permission to try, and get subscribers, and earn a living by doing something I love and want to dedicate myself to more!!
Yes, I’m giving myself permission to risk it. What’s the worst thing that could happen versus what might happen? No one signs up, or some people do?
Yes, like you've said, if they do sign up there is an commitment that as the writer/ scriptor, I must fulfill my part. And again, allowing space and permission to do so as this occurs is how the process will evolve. I enjoy the genuity in your writing. I'm subscribed.
Thank you so much 😊
Go for it Lynn!
I give myself permission to retire - which a friend told me yesterday really means ‘to step back’. I give myself permission to step back from old lives, roles and personas. I give myself permission to be the coach therapist I truly long to be. I give myself permission to embrace my creativity and spirituality. I give myself permission to spend oodles of time playing with paint because I love colour. I give myself permission to write about the stuff I want to write about and purely because I enjoy it. I give myself permission to relax about earning money.
I want so much to give myself permission to step back from business writing entirely, to retire from that & step toward creative writing that feeds my soul—but I can’t afford it yet (i’m 64). The longing is great however. If only I could support myself through my creative writing. Could I give myself permission to at least explore that? You inspire me, Lynn. Your plan sounds beautiful & expansive.
Amy you are a beautiful writer (I just went and read a piece on your own Substack) and I hope you will explore doing more creative writing. I, too, do a lot of business writing and crave being able to do more of another kind, but I also try to remind myself what a blessing it is to be well-paid to write at all, as so many people wish they could make a living writing. I am 10 years behind you so have even longer to keep it up, especially with 2 kids just beginning their college years, but I am trying to lean in to making the writing I do as part of my job more personal and creative. I am glad to have found you as I relate to how you write about your divorce (I felt similarly) and my father died 5 years ago after more than a decade of decline into dementia. I can’t wait to read about your Camino.
This response warmed my heart so; thank you Suzanne for the support, encouragement and solidarity. Let’s both lean in to the best versions of ourselves & the life we desire.
I hear you! I’m 64 too and increasingly aware of “if not now then when?” Do it, give yourself permission to explore making a living from your creative writing, take baby steps, your soul will thank you 🙏
I love this so much!!! ❤️❤️❤️ I officially left teaching almost two years ago, after months of agonizing over when would be the right time. I love the way you emphasize the meaning of the word “retire.”
Thank you! I’ve tied myself up in knots over the meaning of ‘retire’.
It sounds like you have some wonderful adventures ahead of you Lynn!
Yes, I believe I do 🙏
Yes! I too have had to give myself permission to be more creative and spiritual, two things academia has no room for.
I give myself permission to get up off my behind where I have been caring for my sick husband and then loosing him — I give myself permission to get back into the world, follow my curiosity, write — write short stories that don’t knock you out, don’t deal with terrible trauma — just nice stories.
Mary Oliver once gave herself permission to build a house and she got out wood and nails and a hammer and built a house. Not a beautiful house but a house just the same. Her
Carpenter, she discovered, enjoyed writing poems— not knock out poems but just poems. We all have permission to be creative!
Susan, your words are moving. I just lost a sister. I was not her caregiver. But I still am wrestling with the waves of emotions—of being in or of going out. I’m glad to see you are ready to move. I am trying to give myself time and trust that I will know when it is time to get up and move again…
So sorry for your loss. Our culture in the US doesn't allow us the time to grieve. I was crying at work over a friend's death a decade ago, and a someone I considered a friend asked me why I was crying. I was taught to push the crying down. After my sister passed away, and I wasn't her direct caregiver, I cried for a year. I had trouble getting on with life. Eventually I did, though, but only after I allowed myself the grief period.
Yes, you will know when to move! Sometimes you have to resist other people wanting to push you forward!! Trust yourself!
Sending you good vibes along the way. ✨
This is beautiful, Susan! The world needs more of what you can give it!
I give myself permission to reinvent myself as many times as I need to as I continue to grow into the best possible version of myself each day. I give myself permission to disappoint people in service of following my heart, even if the places it wants me to go seem unconventional and new. (I also give myself permission to really show up here as myself - this is my first comment on Substack!)
Welcome Sarah-Jane! I'm glad you meet you! I am excited for you to let yourself grow and reinvent yourself and to follow your heart.
Thank you Emma!
Yes, yes, YES. I have a poster hanging on my closet door and it says, "Reset, restart, refocus. As many times as you need to." I think we can add "reinvent" to that, too!
Love this Melissa! What an excellent poster!
Oh wow, Sarah-Jane--these are all powerful statements! I am working on being okay with disappointing people--it's a tough, but important, thing to learn.
What a powerful first comment Sarah-Jane! It resonates so strongly with me, especially not worrying about disappointing others - we each have to follow our own path even if those close to us might find our choices perplexing. Thanks for sharing so openly :)
Thank you Holly. I’m so glad my words resonated with your own experience. It’s not easy to tune out the noise of other people’s opinions, beliefs and desires so that we can hear our own inner voice, let along to act upon what it tells us.
And what a wonderful comment it is! I know it can feel daunting just to show up in the comments. I’m so glad you did!
I give myself permission to build the community of history & historical fiction writers I’ve been dreaming of creating here on Substack. For so long I’ve thought, I don’t have any qualifications for this so no one will think I’m capable / worth listening to. But, I’ve decided that it can be a space where we learn together (and I realise that I do know a bit about writing, as endorsed by readers on here), so I have recently launched ‘The Scriptorium’ for founding members, and I can’t wait to build it! Permission granted ✨ thank you for this encouraging thread!
This is awesome! As a history lover and writer of historical fiction, I just subscribed to your newsletter.
So great to have you join us! I’ll check out your publication too. Great to connect.
That sounds amazing! 🙏
Thanks Rosanne! I feel very nervous about it but pretty excited too.
Congratulations! And I agree that Substack is a place to grow and change and evolve. Nothing here is written in stone!
That capacity for evolving is great isn’t it? People have been so kind and welcoming with changes I’ve brought this past year.
Love the title The Scriptorium
Ooh I’m so glad! I agonised over it, as I wanted something that would give the feel of history and writing, but just couldn’t think of something. And then it came to me in the car yesterday and just felt so right…
Inspiration arrived 👍
🥰
It's funny how one question can throw up so many answers. As I sit here I am struggling to come up with anything because with each one, I fear that I will let myself down and not go through with it. Maybe the answer is in this sentence - I give myself permission to let go of the outcome and just give myself permission to be my own best friend a little more each day.
That sounds like a great way of practicing self-compassion Laura :)
Thank you Holly...always easier said than done, but I am going to do one thing each day to be a little kinder to my soul and heart. I wish the same for you x
Thanks Laura, I think I'll join you in that, baby steps are so much easier for me to take without overwhelm 🙂
Me too. Let me know how you get on x
So I'm finally on leave and had planned to do lots of exhibitions and stuff, but it's 33 celsius and my body is telling me to chill under a tree with my Kindle - today's baby step to self-compassion. I hope yours are going well :)
Are you in the UK? It was the hottest day of the year today and I too needed to find a hammock under a tree! x
That’s a great one! I find that it can be so hard to believe but that we always have the answers for what we need inside of ourselves. Wonderful that you’re listening to yourself.
Thank you Jillian. I totally agree. I used to ask everyone else around me before asking myself. We are our own storybook of wisdom and knowledge, we just need to open it.
So beautiful, Laura, to see you giving yourself exactly what you need! We could all use some of this.
Thank you Anne. Why does it seem so much easier to give love and kindness to others but not to ourselves? I am slowly trying to make some changes, because by giving to myself I am also more able to give to others.
This is great! It's funny how easy something is when someone else says it. I posted an essay a couple of days ago almost the same topic, but perhaps from the other side of the mirror. It too includes a bit about dropping out of academia to write a novel that might fail, in in it the focus is on how that was surrounded by caveats about having already done “enough” in other contexts. Reading yours here makes one realize how one can impose limits on oneself that one would one would adamantly reject if one saw someone else being hampered by them.
It’s so true that we are more supportive ad forgiving of others than we are of ourselves!
Yes — and perhaps less likely to judge, quite simply.
Good grief, the mistakes that come in when typing quickly on a tiny keyboard! Can’t edit within the app, so here is a less error-riddled version of that comment:
This is great! It's funny how easy something is when someone else says it. I posted an essay a couple of days ago on almost the same topic, but perhaps from the other side of the mirror. It too includes a bit about dropping out of academia to write a novel that might fail, but in it the focus is on how that was surrounded by caveats about having already done “enough” in other contexts.
Reading yours here makes one realize how one can impose limits on oneself that one would adamantly reject if one saw someone else being hampered by them.