In coming to terms with the tallying of my life into my 50s, I have found Emily Perl Kingsley's "Welcome to Holland" (1987, https://www.emilyperlkingsley.com/welcome-to-holland) very helpful. I thought I would continue to travel and write and basically change the world with all the great historic research I intended to do, but instead I am living in the Midwest, chastising myself that I am no longer (depending on the day) well traveled and fluent in French or Arabic, young and pretty, as productive and ground-breaking a historian as everyone (including myself) thought I would be 25 years ago. "Welcome to Holland" offers a pretty straightforward analogy, although it was written about a mother who raised a child with a disability: You may have always dreamed of living in Italy, but you are instead living in Holland and cannot leave. If you spend all your time wishing you were in Italy, angry that you are not in Italy, then you will never actually appreciate all the beauty you can find in Holland. Embrace wherever and whatever your Holland is everyone...
Perfect analogy, Stacy! Happiness and peace today matter sooooo much more than our ideas of success and what would make us happy in our 20s and 30s. :)
I once started a piece about layers of an onion on a similar theme but a rather more basic interpretation! In other words, peeling back beyond the surface desires to what's really behind them!
I also realised that I was thinking about yearning last night but can't remember the context at all! A salient reminder to note things down when I have an idea and perhaps evidence of yearning to explore ideas more deeply, to know myself, and to connect with others.
Although I love the setting of my current home — surrounded by cedars and close to water — I couldn’t put my finger on what was missing. Turns out it is a couple of things. I need people to feed my writing. Eavesdropping on cedar trees is just not feasible. And they look the same, whereas people change all the time. So I realized l last week that I need to be around people more often. Then that led to accepting that I needed to spend the money on a car. I’ve been struggling along using public transportation out here. I enjoy the drivers. And the other passengers. But traveling that way is decidedly sporadic and definitely not spontaneous. This past Friday I bought a car. I made an intuitive decision, did not shop around, liked the first car my salesperson suggested. I was a little nervous about driving again. During the height of the pandemic I drove very little. Then I lived in Seattle and used the very efficient bus system and light rail. So I have sort of felt like a teenager learning to drive again. Today I drove to an incredible walking beach and took a very long walk. I was able to be happily alone. I could contemplate metaphors. And could stop and poke around in the sand with my walking stick if I saw something interesting. So that is my answer, I want freedom as long as possible in my life. And independence. And to be able to seek out people who will feed my writing.
Just wrote a whole journal page about what I want. Turns out none of it was material. It was about health, well-being, time, space, freedom, love, and joy. I posted it as a note yesterday. So this resonates.
Woke up at 1am in an anxious panic about my job and relationship, and somehow this read was the first to pop up on my feed! What synchronicity! Will take your thoughts and tap into my inner compass 💗 from one Anne with and “e” to another
Could not resist with the title - but I truly yearn for peace where we accept one another for who we are, and allow people to be rather than fighting so hard to be polarizing. I’m exhausted by all the click bait and politics and hate
What a beautiful post, thank you Anne. Allowing ourselves to live from the inside out, trusting that the future will unfold well for us if we stay aligned, are sweet but scary lessons. This space you've created can help us help each other and share how we manage our yearnings. I'm glad to have found such honesty and depth.
For the first time in a long time I am allowing myself to feel the lows, to process them, and not just try to move on to the Instagram highlights of life. And I am truly learning about myself and what I REALLY want out of my life. It is powerful. So, reading this right now really hit home for me. I look forward to listening to the podcast you mentioned as well. Thank you.
Yes yes yes, I'm currently doing this right now and honestly, some of the scariest stuff I've ever done. Except, when I wake up at 2 or 3 AM, it's more with the stress and anxiety that comes with redirecting your life. It will be worth it, though.
Thank you for another beautiful piece. I definitely live my life chasing 'wants', feeling permanently unsatisfied, and yet when I reflect on the things I actually yearn for, such as friendship, it is already there. So the question is: how do we learn to internalise the fact that it is the yearning things we should judge our happiness by rather than the wants?
Gratitude practices are helpful. You can put a reminder in your phone or simply get in the the habit of taking 5 minutes before you go to sleep at night and focusing on what went well today, what you’d like more of in your life, what you are grateful for. This is something that has been helpful for me.
This is how I feel sometimes too. The distinction of want and need - the way you defined is profound. Sometimes I also think happiness is a gift … it’s right there and I am running for the future happiness not acknowledging what is right there within my grip…I am chasing a future dream or whatever goal. Sometimes just grounding myself to the present moment makes me peaceful. I feel there is a place and need for sadness, loss and grief. It must be given that space when it comes instead of shoving it away and immersing ourselves in fun. That’s superficial . That cannot solve the yearning. Thanks for your post. You made me think.
I'm so glad! That is all I ever aspire to do--make people think. I'm less interested in convincing people of something. I'm glad you found some food for thought here.
Dita, you’ve captured something really important here.
It’s so easy to get caught up in chasing future happiness and miss what’s right in front of us. Being present and acknowledging our current feelings, even the tough ones like sadness and loss, is crucial for our well-being. I must say, your reflection is very insightful and reminds us of the value in embracing the present moment fully.
I feel like living, actually living, takes courage and comes with uncertainties, and since most of us would rather stick with the familiar, we end up just embracing whatever it is life gives us.
In coming to terms with the tallying of my life into my 50s, I have found Emily Perl Kingsley's "Welcome to Holland" (1987, https://www.emilyperlkingsley.com/welcome-to-holland) very helpful. I thought I would continue to travel and write and basically change the world with all the great historic research I intended to do, but instead I am living in the Midwest, chastising myself that I am no longer (depending on the day) well traveled and fluent in French or Arabic, young and pretty, as productive and ground-breaking a historian as everyone (including myself) thought I would be 25 years ago. "Welcome to Holland" offers a pretty straightforward analogy, although it was written about a mother who raised a child with a disability: You may have always dreamed of living in Italy, but you are instead living in Holland and cannot leave. If you spend all your time wishing you were in Italy, angry that you are not in Italy, then you will never actually appreciate all the beauty you can find in Holland. Embrace wherever and whatever your Holland is everyone...
Perfect analogy, Stacy! Happiness and peace today matter sooooo much more than our ideas of success and what would make us happy in our 20s and 30s. :)
I once started a piece about layers of an onion on a similar theme but a rather more basic interpretation! In other words, peeling back beyond the surface desires to what's really behind them!
I also realised that I was thinking about yearning last night but can't remember the context at all! A salient reminder to note things down when I have an idea and perhaps evidence of yearning to explore ideas more deeply, to know myself, and to connect with others.
Although I love the setting of my current home — surrounded by cedars and close to water — I couldn’t put my finger on what was missing. Turns out it is a couple of things. I need people to feed my writing. Eavesdropping on cedar trees is just not feasible. And they look the same, whereas people change all the time. So I realized l last week that I need to be around people more often. Then that led to accepting that I needed to spend the money on a car. I’ve been struggling along using public transportation out here. I enjoy the drivers. And the other passengers. But traveling that way is decidedly sporadic and definitely not spontaneous. This past Friday I bought a car. I made an intuitive decision, did not shop around, liked the first car my salesperson suggested. I was a little nervous about driving again. During the height of the pandemic I drove very little. Then I lived in Seattle and used the very efficient bus system and light rail. So I have sort of felt like a teenager learning to drive again. Today I drove to an incredible walking beach and took a very long walk. I was able to be happily alone. I could contemplate metaphors. And could stop and poke around in the sand with my walking stick if I saw something interesting. So that is my answer, I want freedom as long as possible in my life. And independence. And to be able to seek out people who will feed my writing.
So beautiful, Patricia! I'm so glad you got that car! I wish you many more years of freedom and independence with it!
Just wrote a whole journal page about what I want. Turns out none of it was material. It was about health, well-being, time, space, freedom, love, and joy. I posted it as a note yesterday. So this resonates.
I read Toko-pa’s book last year and it has changed my life!
This is beautiful ❤️
Woke up at 1am in an anxious panic about my job and relationship, and somehow this read was the first to pop up on my feed! What synchronicity! Will take your thoughts and tap into my inner compass 💗 from one Anne with and “e” to another
I hope you’re feeling less anxious!
A femininomenon!
Could not resist with the title - but I truly yearn for peace where we accept one another for who we are, and allow people to be rather than fighting so hard to be polarizing. I’m exhausted by all the click bait and politics and hate
I’m right there with you!
Such beautiful words - inspiring and deeply thought provoking.
What a beautiful post, thank you Anne. Allowing ourselves to live from the inside out, trusting that the future will unfold well for us if we stay aligned, are sweet but scary lessons. This space you've created can help us help each other and share how we manage our yearnings. I'm glad to have found such honesty and depth.
For the first time in a long time I am allowing myself to feel the lows, to process them, and not just try to move on to the Instagram highlights of life. And I am truly learning about myself and what I REALLY want out of my life. It is powerful. So, reading this right now really hit home for me. I look forward to listening to the podcast you mentioned as well. Thank you.
Yes yes yes, I'm currently doing this right now and honestly, some of the scariest stuff I've ever done. Except, when I wake up at 2 or 3 AM, it's more with the stress and anxiety that comes with redirecting your life. It will be worth it, though.
Thank you for another beautiful piece. I definitely live my life chasing 'wants', feeling permanently unsatisfied, and yet when I reflect on the things I actually yearn for, such as friendship, it is already there. So the question is: how do we learn to internalise the fact that it is the yearning things we should judge our happiness by rather than the wants?
Gratitude practices are helpful. You can put a reminder in your phone or simply get in the the habit of taking 5 minutes before you go to sleep at night and focusing on what went well today, what you’d like more of in your life, what you are grateful for. This is something that has been helpful for me.
This is how I feel sometimes too. The distinction of want and need - the way you defined is profound. Sometimes I also think happiness is a gift … it’s right there and I am running for the future happiness not acknowledging what is right there within my grip…I am chasing a future dream or whatever goal. Sometimes just grounding myself to the present moment makes me peaceful. I feel there is a place and need for sadness, loss and grief. It must be given that space when it comes instead of shoving it away and immersing ourselves in fun. That’s superficial . That cannot solve the yearning. Thanks for your post. You made me think.
I'm so glad! That is all I ever aspire to do--make people think. I'm less interested in convincing people of something. I'm glad you found some food for thought here.
Dita, you’ve captured something really important here.
It’s so easy to get caught up in chasing future happiness and miss what’s right in front of us. Being present and acknowledging our current feelings, even the tough ones like sadness and loss, is crucial for our well-being. I must say, your reflection is very insightful and reminds us of the value in embracing the present moment fully.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
I feel like living, actually living, takes courage and comes with uncertainties, and since most of us would rather stick with the familiar, we end up just embracing whatever it is life gives us.
You’ve got me thinking! 💡 Big Magic is a great book — enjoy!