Hi Anne, Alan Watts had a lot to say about acceptance of the present moment. He equated it to a river that flows, not knowing where it's going ... or the acorn in the soil that cracks and roots without a knowledge of its future. It's a difficult practice but much sought after by this reader who has found better health as a result. Thank you.
Thank you, Anne. I think this is a wise sentiment: to accept the present for what it is, not what it isn't. My mother had a bumper sticker taped to our fridge when I was growing up that said, "Bloom Where You're Planted". For years, I made fun of this sticker. Could not understand why my mom had such a hard time adapting to her life, our apartment, her job, and the family with whom she had tense relations. I thought everything was great! It turns out, it wasn't for her; she really struggled, and now that I'm around the same age she was then, I get it. I get like I've been smacked in the face. I wish I could tell her, hug her, look her in the eyes, and say, "I understand." Because I do now. She passed away 15 years ago, and oh, the lessons I've learned since then. I think she would have benefited greatly from this compassionate group all those years ago.
Such a beautiful post, Anne, and so deeply resonant for me. My Virgo, Type A-self has always struggled to accept the present with grace and gratitude. I am anxious to get to the Next Thing, always pushing myself toward something, toward More and Better. The process of menopause, which has filled me with so much grief for what I don't have and what I haven't done, has really thrown me for a loop. But I am consciously, actively seeking transcendence- a release from my own resistance to accepting what I have now, and that the now is good. It's not a pursuit of happiness- I believe happiness is a by-product or a result of achieving release- but as you so articulately state in your post, a break with the habit of resistance.
Bishop Barron, a Catholic theologian, talks of our tendency to focus on the "lack" in our lives and that this obsession to fill the cavity is the root of so much of our mental suffering. I'm working to reshift my focus to the abundance of the now.
Yes! The abundance of now is where it’s at. Or simply the okayness of now. When abundance feels out of reach, we can at least usually acknowledge that things are okay. Not always, and sometimes things need to change, as they did for me in my marriage. (Had to add that caveat.) But most moments are okay just as they are. And then the joy and happiness have room to come in, as you say. 😊
Anne, this spoke beautifully to me in this season of my life. I have been on my own journey towards wholeness since September 2022 (our starting date coincides!) when I initiated the end of my 33 year marriage and reclaimed my life and potential for greater happiness. A coaching program for women called The Whole Soul Way led by Deb Blum came into my life that September and so it began. I have learned so much and thought, upon ending a wrenching caregiving experience with my late mom, I’d have my next chapter in Barcelona start with a crescendo of energy. Instead a low back injury showed me I had more healing to do. I am so grateful three months later for all the lessons my low back has taught me; to slow down, cultivate patience, acceptance and living in the present. Now I wouldn’t have it any other way. Healing has helped make me whole.💗
'Be here now' Wonderful life motto I first saw in a yoga studio. It has become more illuminating as I have changed life direction, published my first book at 65, returned to study, completed my PhD at 74. I can remember the moment I realised that my happiness was carried with me. I was alone, in Exeter UK (I live in Australia) and at a transition point, but blessed with emotional and financial security to underpin the journey.
That lesson has dawned on me more gradually, or perhaps I’ve just needed to relearn it frequently for it to set in. Congrats on all your post-transition successes!
This is so good Anne. Right now, we’ve just finished moving. My daughter has chosen a college, my sons continue in theirs, my partner continues in his job in another state, a job he’s not sure he wants to keep. And we wait, for new job prospects next year, for a possible move, for our last child to leave the house. I’ve have spent so much time waiting and wanting what’s coming to arrive or the unknown to be known. But this time around, I’m just here, the only place I can be, living each day as it comes, holding everything loosely. It’s a relief. It took a long time to be here (not get here because I was already there all the time). I’m grateful.
So am I. I’m also aware that I’m not “there” in some other places in my life, and that I may not stay “there” consistently in this one. It’s helpful for me to remind myself of this, to hold loosely what I’m holding loosely!
Full of wisdom. I am not on your quest. I never was. (You might remember that when everyone was writing about all the changes that they had either made in their lives or wanted to make in their lives, I said that I felt like the only one whose life was not in flux. I had the same husband, the same house, the same life for years.) But we all need to grow and to recognise ourselves and our needs and it sounds like you have crossed an ocean and undertaken major upheavals (I first wrote uhheaval which may also be what you had!) but all to excellent effect. Very good luck in the future. If you ever want a coffee with a fellow Substacker in London, feel free...
I have found gratitude to be a helpful practice to turn my mind from thinking about lack and unfulfilled dreams. I have so much to be grateful for, not least that I have a home and friends and food and enough money to pay my bills. I am grateful for my family and my friends, and I'm grateful for all the wise people in the world who are pushing against all the sickness in the world. Right now I am especially grateful because I just retired a week ago!
For me, traveling around the world and seeing the circumstances that a great deal of people live in that are so much more difficult then my own has helped me to cultivate gratitude. Especially since so many of those people seem happier than many Americans.
I'm glad you're taking this time too explore and heal. Love.Jane.
Thank you, Jane! Yes, gratitude is such an important part of finding peace. I’ve been feeling very grateful for what I have as well, even though I have so little that is mine, I am lucky to be able to live comfortably. Huge congrats on your retirement!! Do you see more travel in your future?
Thanks! I'm taking off for a month in few days to visit family and go camping. Probably mostly home the rest of the year as I have been doing some renovations. Maybe Europe next year.
Good morning Anne from Vancouver Island. I realized quite suddenly when I woke up on my 70th birthday this spring that my life's work now is to restore my nervous system. It has been a revelation to finally take all that I need to support feeling in sync with myself and lose that jittery feeling you mention.The world is a too jangly place most days for me. My constant cravings and ill at ease were many years in the making and along with the letting go of many of those 'perfect cottage dreams', my life, my home, is a daily fantasy of my own calm-making. I am glad you are finding your way home to yourself too. It is simply the best work I have ever done, xx
Lovely! And yes, it all starts with the nervous system. We can’t cultivate an inner peace if we’re going into fight-or-flight all the time, which I definitely was. And freeze. Just being regulated brings so much peace!
Good to read you are feeling so much better, Anne. It really comes down to feeling good in our own skin, doesn't it? In Buddhism, we take refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, but there is also inner refuge -- finding that place within ourselves where we feel good no matter what. That seems to be the key as no one can take that away from us.
This is lovely, Elaine, and very much like what I’m learning to do with Sandy, settling back into pure awareness. Thank you for sharing this beautiful article!
You sound really good Anne after the retreat with Sandy. I truly believe the mind-body connection drives our well-being. I am in a place of transition too. Trying not to be the pre-planner I have always been, whether it's work or my personal life. It's really challenging to change behavior that has become ingrained. I said previously that there is the issue of addiction in my family of origin. In last few weeks I have been getting stronger at setting boundaries and have had some frank conversations with members of my family about how much I am prepared to be involved if my sibling has a relapse.
"that resisting your current circumstances is the greatest sources of illness and unhappiness": did I need to read this today over my morning coffee. thanks for sharing, Anne.
I need to remember it every morning, every cup of tea, every moment that I feel some twinge of unhappiness. What am I resisting? And is it even worth the pain and unhappiness?
I am learning to look for the good things, rather than looking for what is wrong. If we focus on complaining, how can we find peace? Something as simple as a warm day or a pretty garden or an incidental chat with a stranger create positive feelings if we notice. Having faith and having support on our journey helps.
Hi Anne, Alan Watts had a lot to say about acceptance of the present moment. He equated it to a river that flows, not knowing where it's going ... or the acorn in the soil that cracks and roots without a knowledge of its future. It's a difficult practice but much sought after by this reader who has found better health as a result. Thank you.
Thank you, Anne. I think this is a wise sentiment: to accept the present for what it is, not what it isn't. My mother had a bumper sticker taped to our fridge when I was growing up that said, "Bloom Where You're Planted". For years, I made fun of this sticker. Could not understand why my mom had such a hard time adapting to her life, our apartment, her job, and the family with whom she had tense relations. I thought everything was great! It turns out, it wasn't for her; she really struggled, and now that I'm around the same age she was then, I get it. I get like I've been smacked in the face. I wish I could tell her, hug her, look her in the eyes, and say, "I understand." Because I do now. She passed away 15 years ago, and oh, the lessons I've learned since then. I think she would have benefited greatly from this compassionate group all those years ago.
Thank you for this lovely reflection, Michelle! Your mother would be very proud of you, I imagine.
Such a beautiful post, Anne, and so deeply resonant for me. My Virgo, Type A-self has always struggled to accept the present with grace and gratitude. I am anxious to get to the Next Thing, always pushing myself toward something, toward More and Better. The process of menopause, which has filled me with so much grief for what I don't have and what I haven't done, has really thrown me for a loop. But I am consciously, actively seeking transcendence- a release from my own resistance to accepting what I have now, and that the now is good. It's not a pursuit of happiness- I believe happiness is a by-product or a result of achieving release- but as you so articulately state in your post, a break with the habit of resistance.
Bishop Barron, a Catholic theologian, talks of our tendency to focus on the "lack" in our lives and that this obsession to fill the cavity is the root of so much of our mental suffering. I'm working to reshift my focus to the abundance of the now.
Yes! The abundance of now is where it’s at. Or simply the okayness of now. When abundance feels out of reach, we can at least usually acknowledge that things are okay. Not always, and sometimes things need to change, as they did for me in my marriage. (Had to add that caveat.) But most moments are okay just as they are. And then the joy and happiness have room to come in, as you say. 😊
Anne, this spoke beautifully to me in this season of my life. I have been on my own journey towards wholeness since September 2022 (our starting date coincides!) when I initiated the end of my 33 year marriage and reclaimed my life and potential for greater happiness. A coaching program for women called The Whole Soul Way led by Deb Blum came into my life that September and so it began. I have learned so much and thought, upon ending a wrenching caregiving experience with my late mom, I’d have my next chapter in Barcelona start with a crescendo of energy. Instead a low back injury showed me I had more healing to do. I am so grateful three months later for all the lessons my low back has taught me; to slow down, cultivate patience, acceptance and living in the present. Now I wouldn’t have it any other way. Healing has helped make me whole.💗
That’s wonderful, Amy! Our bodies are incredible teachers, if we listen to them.
'Be here now' Wonderful life motto I first saw in a yoga studio. It has become more illuminating as I have changed life direction, published my first book at 65, returned to study, completed my PhD at 74. I can remember the moment I realised that my happiness was carried with me. I was alone, in Exeter UK (I live in Australia) and at a transition point, but blessed with emotional and financial security to underpin the journey.
That lesson has dawned on me more gradually, or perhaps I’ve just needed to relearn it frequently for it to set in. Congrats on all your post-transition successes!
This is so good Anne. Right now, we’ve just finished moving. My daughter has chosen a college, my sons continue in theirs, my partner continues in his job in another state, a job he’s not sure he wants to keep. And we wait, for new job prospects next year, for a possible move, for our last child to leave the house. I’ve have spent so much time waiting and wanting what’s coming to arrive or the unknown to be known. But this time around, I’m just here, the only place I can be, living each day as it comes, holding everything loosely. It’s a relief. It took a long time to be here (not get here because I was already there all the time). I’m grateful.
That’s a wonderful place to have arrived at! I’m so happy for you. 😊
So am I. I’m also aware that I’m not “there” in some other places in my life, and that I may not stay “there” consistently in this one. It’s helpful for me to remind myself of this, to hold loosely what I’m holding loosely!
Yes. I didn’t bring up attachment or clinging in this post, but that is just as damaging as resistance. Two sides of the same coin really.
Very true.
Full of wisdom. I am not on your quest. I never was. (You might remember that when everyone was writing about all the changes that they had either made in their lives or wanted to make in their lives, I said that I felt like the only one whose life was not in flux. I had the same husband, the same house, the same life for years.) But we all need to grow and to recognise ourselves and our needs and it sounds like you have crossed an ocean and undertaken major upheavals (I first wrote uhheaval which may also be what you had!) but all to excellent effect. Very good luck in the future. If you ever want a coffee with a fellow Substacker in London, feel free...
Thank you, Ann! If I make it down to London, I’ll let you know. :)
Maybe getting to know ourselves in the same way we get to know friends, lovers & noticing their charms, their talents, their soft spots…🧐
I’m sensing a quiet acceptance in this piece, Anne. I really enjoyed this essay.
(PS Ooof, Sandy is 😻)
Hi Anne,
I have found gratitude to be a helpful practice to turn my mind from thinking about lack and unfulfilled dreams. I have so much to be grateful for, not least that I have a home and friends and food and enough money to pay my bills. I am grateful for my family and my friends, and I'm grateful for all the wise people in the world who are pushing against all the sickness in the world. Right now I am especially grateful because I just retired a week ago!
For me, traveling around the world and seeing the circumstances that a great deal of people live in that are so much more difficult then my own has helped me to cultivate gratitude. Especially since so many of those people seem happier than many Americans.
I'm glad you're taking this time too explore and heal. Love.Jane.
Thank you, Jane! Yes, gratitude is such an important part of finding peace. I’ve been feeling very grateful for what I have as well, even though I have so little that is mine, I am lucky to be able to live comfortably. Huge congrats on your retirement!! Do you see more travel in your future?
Thanks! I'm taking off for a month in few days to visit family and go camping. Probably mostly home the rest of the year as I have been doing some renovations. Maybe Europe next year.
Good morning Anne from Vancouver Island. I realized quite suddenly when I woke up on my 70th birthday this spring that my life's work now is to restore my nervous system. It has been a revelation to finally take all that I need to support feeling in sync with myself and lose that jittery feeling you mention.The world is a too jangly place most days for me. My constant cravings and ill at ease were many years in the making and along with the letting go of many of those 'perfect cottage dreams', my life, my home, is a daily fantasy of my own calm-making. I am glad you are finding your way home to yourself too. It is simply the best work I have ever done, xx
Lovely! And yes, it all starts with the nervous system. We can’t cultivate an inner peace if we’re going into fight-or-flight all the time, which I definitely was. And freeze. Just being regulated brings so much peace!
Good to read you are feeling so much better, Anne. It really comes down to feeling good in our own skin, doesn't it? In Buddhism, we take refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, but there is also inner refuge -- finding that place within ourselves where we feel good no matter what. That seems to be the key as no one can take that away from us.
It’s the only true refuge, I think. Not sure what the Buddha said about that.
There are meditative states that go beyond the constructs of mind, such as Mahamudra and Dzogchen:
https://pristinemind.org/about-us/dzogchen-meditation-an-introduction/
This is lovely, Elaine, and very much like what I’m learning to do with Sandy, settling back into pure awareness. Thank you for sharing this beautiful article!
And thank you for introducing Sandy.
You sound really good Anne after the retreat with Sandy. I truly believe the mind-body connection drives our well-being. I am in a place of transition too. Trying not to be the pre-planner I have always been, whether it's work or my personal life. It's really challenging to change behavior that has become ingrained. I said previously that there is the issue of addiction in my family of origin. In last few weeks I have been getting stronger at setting boundaries and have had some frank conversations with members of my family about how much I am prepared to be involved if my sibling has a relapse.
resisting your current circumstances is the greatest sources of illness and unhappiness.” what brilliant advice once again. Thank you, Anne!
"that resisting your current circumstances is the greatest sources of illness and unhappiness": did I need to read this today over my morning coffee. thanks for sharing, Anne.
I need to remember it every morning, every cup of tea, every moment that I feel some twinge of unhappiness. What am I resisting? And is it even worth the pain and unhappiness?
Brilliant piece
I am learning to look for the good things, rather than looking for what is wrong. If we focus on complaining, how can we find peace? Something as simple as a warm day or a pretty garden or an incidental chat with a stranger create positive feelings if we notice. Having faith and having support on our journey helps.
Yes to all of this!