💬Do You Let Yourself Relax?
Why is it so hard to take a break when we need to?
How do we know when we need a break? And do we take it when we need it?
One of the most dramatic changes I’ve made in my life is slowing down and allowing myself to stop completely when I need to. After years of not listening to my body and powering through each day until I collapsed on the couch at night, completely spent, my body decided it had had enough. When we ignore the body’s messages, it speaks to us the only way it knows how—through exhaustion, pain, and illness. (For me it has been an autoimmune disorder, severe tension in my neck and shoulders, and occasionally back pain.)
This week, while I’ve been in France visiting my daughter, I had a day when my body simply said, No. I was very tired and dizzy and knew that I was not going to make it through another day of museums and churches and walking all over creation. So I spent the day on the couch. This happened to me when I was in Italy last spring as well. After days of going, going, going, I needed a break.
It’s hard to slow down or stop when we feel like we are letting other people down. Or sometimes it’s pride that gets in the way. On my Italy trip, women 10-20 years older than me were handling the strenuous pace just fine. Or so it seemed to me. It was embarrassing that I couldn’t keep up. I worried that I was letting my co-leader down. And I couldn’t exactly spend all day in bed, which is probably what I needed, so I ended up getting a bad cold as well. My immune system was weakened by my overdoing it.
At other times, I have had to admit that I’d taken on too much responsibility and I’ve had to bow out of commitments. It was really hard to say “no” at first. But it’s gotten easier. I’ve learned to put my body first, because I’d much rather spent a day lounging than end up even sicker. Figuring out the rhythms of work that suit my body (after years of overwork and too much stress) has been a challenge as well. I take more breaks. And I spread my commitments over many days, so I’m not sitting at my computer all day.
Have you had to slow down as well? When is the last time your body said enough? How do you know that you need to slow your pace down? And how does it feel telling people, “No, I can’t”? Are you good at listening to your body when it needs rest? Or do you feel you need permission to relax?
I look forward to reading your responses! And I hope you have a restful weekend. :)
—Anne
I seem to have been born with a very good immune system, because I very rarely get ill, but I do get tired, even when very young. I asked a very thoughtful GP about getting too tired when I had a two year old and was doing a PhD and some paid work (and husbands were's so helpful in those days - he is now). The GP said that your body is like a bank. You need a certain amount of energy capital and you need to keep feeding that or you essentially become energy bankrupt. He urged me to sit down when I could, lie down when I could and just keep saving energy. The advice has served me well all my life. Now at 82, I know when I need to have a lie-down (and goodness, how it helps).
So many yeses to this. Like you, my body had to resort to exhaustion, pain, and autoimmune disease to get me to take notice and make changes. 15+ years on, I'm so much better at understanding what it needs these days (which is mostly a calm and regulated nervous system), but the piece I find hardest is that other people don't necessarily get this. If I could live in a bubble I'd be fine, but my needs and my life choices feel out of kilter with the world around me. I struggle with my limited social energy and how to let people know they really matter to me, whilst preferring to opt out of so many social situations... It's tricky. And it always helps to know I'm not alone.