Grounding in Times of Change
What anchors us when things turn upside down?
How do we ground ourselves in times of upheaval? I know that many of you are also going through periods of great change, or are anticipating them. So I thought I’d talk more about the new transition I’m going through and how I’m coping with it.
It’s been a busy week for me finishing up my final assessments for my classes—a 6000-word piece of fiction and a 4500-word paper on narrative theory—and preparing to move to Manchester in a couple of days. So I haven’t made it through all of your amazing comments from last week. Here’s last week’s post about my move, ICYMI:
I always feel stressed when my Substack notifications creep up and up. But I love every single comment, so keep writing them, and also keep cheering each other on and getting to know each other. I love to see that too! I promise to read everything, although I might not be able to respond.
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I mentioned last week that I’m working on finding the grounding and stability I need as I head into my second semester and make yet another move. When I left my life two and a half years ago, I had nothing to ground me—by choice. All I could think about was FLIGHT (the title of the book I’ve been writing about that first year). I wanted freedom from all of the structures of my life. Only then could I figure out what was really important to me. By detaching myself from everything in my life, including the daily routines that were draining the lifeblood from me, I could find out what I wanted to gather around me and what I wanted to prevent from creeping back in.
I traveled for perhaps six months before I started craving some routine again. Then I got an apartment for three months and started writing every morning. Since then I’ve clung to that routine (with some success) through various moves, mostly in and around Edinburgh as I’ve clung to some stability in terms of place, culminating in getting my very own flat in the heart of the city last summer.
Then in September I started my MA course and for the first time in two years I had a “job” of sorts. I was grounded! I had routine! I was writing like a crazy person, and it felt great. (Except that the commute was discombobulating. That might be my favorite word, by the way. :) I also had some friends in Edinburgh, including one very close friend who, like me, had completely changed his life and really got what I’ve been going through. I felt like everything in my life had fallen into place. I even had a visa!
But change was coming for me again, this time not of my own choosing. That’s the thing. As much as we may crave it sometimes, change has a way of slamming us out of the blue as well.
Back in October my close friend left Edinburgh. Other friends I had connected with had busy lives and I was coming and going a lot too, so we rarely saw each other. So even though I’ve been living in a city I loved, as the holiday season approached, I found myself on my own little island. Plus, the world was plunging into darkness, until there was only 6-7 hours of light a day here in Scotland, and it was cold as hell.
It wasn’t great, but I made the best of it. Thank goodness for Jennifer Lunden, a new friend, who has been in Edinburgh this past month. I’ve loved getting to know her. (You should absolutely check out her book American Breakdown.1 It was just chosen as a state-wide read in Maine!!)
And on New Year’s Day I had an amazing opportunity to sing in the choir with Karine Polwart at St. Giles Cathedral.2 That is definitely one of my highlights from my almost two years in Edinburgh.
Now there is this move to Manchester. As much as I love Edinburgh, it was my body that made the decision for me. My Meniere’s symptoms were flaring and I had the worst vertigo I’ve had in years after a hellish train trip back from Manchester after the last classes of the semester. I realized that I needed to make a big change to have greater stability during the next semester. I’ll have two weeks to settle into my new flat before classes start.
I’m happy to say that my symptoms have dissipated considerably. I think it’s due to the new routines I’ve been developing. As I mentioned in my last post, I was looking for some grounding practices, things I can do to help my nervous system feel more secure and stabilized, so that I don’t feel so untethered when my external circumstances destabilize. And the best thing is these are all free—so see if any of these appeal to you.
What’s Grounding Me
My grounding journey began with a recommendation from
, who writes the Substack Pied À Terre Life. She shared with me with a video of stretches to stimulate the vagus nerve and calm your nervous system.3 The video explained that it’s your brain telling your muscles to clench, so stretching your tight muscles doesn’t provide more than temporary relief.The first time I tried the stretches, I felt immediate relief from my racing mind and tight neck and shoulders. Doing them in the morning and often at night as well has been a gamechanger for me. I’ve had intensely tight neck and shoulder muscles for years, with trigger points and shooting pains and everything. And now I hardly ever feel the pain and stiffness I used to. Thank you, Michele!!!!
She also told me she had been doing Qigong and it was really helping her. I found some short videos on line and tried one.4 I was amazed at how great I felt, the very first time. Doing it in the morning when you’re still stiff gets the blood and energy moving through your whole body, so when you sit down to get to work, your body doesn’t get stiff again right away. It’s perfect to do before the next bit of my routine: writing.
Another gamechanger for me had been joining the London Writers Salon.5 They have many different levels (including free!) and a ton of workshops and groups you can join at the higher levels. At the free level, you can participate in their basic offering, which is an online group writing session at 8 a.m. (one in London time and one in New York time), M-F. So I get up at 7:15, do Qi Gong, make breakfast, and get to my desk by 8:00 in time to log on. It’s been a huge motivator and gives me a bit of human interaction that makes the writing feel less lonely.
They start the writing sessions with a little check-in where you set your intention for the hour. Next they read a thoughtful quote, and then they let you loose to work on your own on whatever you want to. One of the quotes last week was so good I had to save it:
"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing. A schedule defends from chaos and whim. It is a net for catching days. It is a scaffolding on which a worker can stand and labor with both hands at sections of time. A schedule is a mock-up of reason and order—willed, faked, and so brought into being; it is a peace and a haven set into the wreck of time; it is a lifeboat on which you find yourself, decades later, still living.”
– Annie Dillard, The Writing Life
A couple of years ago I would have railed against this, as I was so caught in the stultifying effects of schedules and routines. But now I’m ready for them again, so long as they are aiding the creative life I’m building.
Lastly, I’ve been doing Tara Brach’s and Jack Kornfield’s Mindfulness Daily.6 Most of the meditation practices are already familiar to me, but I wanted a daily practice, which I’m still working on solidifying. Sometimes I do it in the morning, sometimes at night, sometimes both, and one or two days I’ve forgotten altogether. So this one isn’t ingrained yet. But I know that daily meditation is going to be key to giving me the internal stability I need. I’ll share more as that practice develops.
Now, I’d love to hear from you. What grounds you? How do find internal grounding in times of upheaval and change? Do you feel like you could use more routine, or less right now? And do you have a favorite meditation practice you can share with me? (Also feel free to DM me if you do.)
Until next time,
Anne
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The WashPo review (paywalled) is titled “How American Healthcare Has Been Failing Women for Centuries.” That alone makes me REALLY want to read it. Jennifer interweaves her story of chronic illness with that of Alice James, Henry James’s sister. Learn more at Jennifer’s website.
Thank you for all of these links. I am working with a coach to build some structure for myself right now, and all of this is helpful.
My therapist suggested I try some vagus nerve exercises; I’m curious to see the video you linked to.
One grounding activity that helps me is tending to my garden and the birds. I’ve read that having something outside of yourself to tend to regular helps stabilize you—something small, like Mister Rogers feeding his fish. I think of my bird feeders and watering/pruning my houseplants and small container garden outside helps with this.
daily morning walks in nature - listening & noticing my wild friends. I seem to crave these walks in the winter more than any other time. Perhaps it is the amplified stillness I seek?