Our Hearts' Highest Hopes
Discussion: What do you most want?
Hello! How are doing? I’ve been okay, working my way through layers of old unhealed wounds—detoxing, essentially, a life’s worth of toxic beliefs. It’s a process, not a sudden “aha” that makes everything go away, so I still have days of dizziness or exhaustion. But I know I’m on the right path and I’m making lots of progress.
One thing I’m discovering is that my vertigo often starts when I’ve been staring at my computer or my phone, so I have to limit my screen time these days. This week’s post, therefore, is an invitation to discussion, with links to a couple of earlier posts that you may have missed.
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As I’ve mentioned, I’m doing my “mind detox” with Sandy Newbigging. And one of the things he talks about is identifying your heart’s highest hope. This is the thing you most want in life. For most of us, this is not something material or external. It is actually an inner state: peace, love, joy, belonging, connection, contentment, freedom, fulfillment, harmony, etc.
Even if what you want is a new relationship or a certain amount of money so you can retire, think about what those things would you give you, the underlying things you really crave: love, freedom, or peace.
I’ve written about something like this before, drawing on the work of Martha Beck and digging into what it means to yearn for something. You can read the whole post here. (But be sure to come back and participate in the discussion in the comments on this post.)
As with so many things I’m (re)discovering with Sandy, realizing your heart’s highest hope doesn’t have to be all that complicated. The key is to remember that it’s not something you can find outside of yourself. It’s something you already have inside of you.
This is where things get interesting. Because if it’s inside of us, it’s something we can access without waiting for a raise at work or a publisher to offer us a contract. Sure, who doesn’t want those things? But we have to ask ourselves, are we going after those things because we think they will make us feel good? And will they really, or will they just give us a temporary fix before we start wanting some other shiny new thing to give us that jolt of dopamine or recognition we crave? Such cravings can only ever be temporarily satisfied.
I first realized this in 2016 as my publishing career began to take off. When my biography of Constance Fenimore Woolson was reviewed on the cover of the New York Times Book Review, it seemed as if I had reached a high point—so high, in fact, that I hadn’t even dared hope for it. But was that enough? No. I started wanting other forms of recognition as well—higher sales, rave reviews, awards, and on and on. There really is no end to it.
I can see now that the relationship I had with my subject (Woolson) was more satisfying that any external reward. It was the writing of the book itself that gave me what I wanted—feelings of connection and belonging. Digging deeply into Woolson’s life, walking her path with her, I felt less alone on my own. And connecting with her readers ever since has been hugely rewarding!
If you’re wondering who this Woolson person is, I’ve written about her here before:
So now it’s your turn. What do you think your heart’s highest hope is? And how can you realize it—today, here and now? And not in some distant imagined future where everything has to align in just the right way so you can win the Pulitzer Prize or whatever amazing thing you would like to happen.
Also, is there something you’ve really been wanting (like writing a novel or moving to France!) that seems far off on the horizon? What is the inner state or feeling that you think doing that thing or moving to that place will give you? Do you have to wait for it, or can you access it now?
Or have you achieved something you thought you wanted only to discover that the satisfaction was fleeting? What do you think you were really after?
I can’t wait to read your answers!
“Peace is possible because you are not your thoughts (or emotions!). The mind is made up of temporary phenomenon, yet there is an underlying aspect to you that is permanent. By using meditation techniques to be more consciously aware, we can discover that the awareness that’s aware of our thoughts is ALREADY still, quiet and peaceful.”—Sandy Newbigging, “You are what you seek”
Until next time,
Anne
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A very good question and I will try not to write an essay. What you want from life depends so much on where you are. I am 83, my husband is 84 and we are both moderately fit and certainly thoughtful – and we still have a lot of fun – and what I most want is for it to stay that way. That may be a big ask. I want my children (aged 56 and 43) to find themselves even more than they already have and for my two teenage grandsons to begin to find themselves too. "All the rest is extra", as the line in a film whose name I can't remember goes. I never wanted fame (just wrote about that) or wealth but just to be secure in my own self-knowledge and understanding. And the good news is that, for those who are of a contemplative disposition, that comes with age. May you find it, too.
After reaching every goal I’d ever set for myself professionally, I finally found my way to the same question a few years ago. It turns out, I didn’t want another title. I wanted contentment, calm, and connection. This morning I’m cultivating all three while I read and reflect in my journal with the door open so I can hear the morning birds singing.