It was wonderful to hear from so many of you in response to last week’s post, “Desire and Women Writers.” As I wrote it, I wasn’t sure how many would relate to the topic. I felt a little “out there” even writing about it. But the response suggests that it hit home for many of you. It begins,
So much of our training as women tells us that we are objects of desire rather than desiring subjects.
One reader brought up the book A Life of One’s Own written in the 1930s by Marion Milner, a British psychoanalyst, artist, and writer. It can be read more or less as a response to Freud’s unanswered question, “What does a woman want?" The basis of the book is a 7-year experiment to figure out what she really wanted in life, apart from what society told her she should want. To that end, she kept a diary, a record of what made her happy, what she liked, and where her true interests lie.
I thought we could take our cue from Milner for this week’s thread and share with each other:
What is bringing you joy? What is making you feel alive with wonder and curiosity? What would you like more of in your life?
I look forward to reading your responses in the comments! It’s great when you can also read others’ comments and respond to those that resonate with you. I’ll start us off by sharing what is bringing me joy this morning . . .
The cacophony of early morning birds sets my heart atwitter with glee and gratitude. The springtime blossoms all over town pull me to inhale deeply, slow down, and count my blessings. These days we can recognize more sharply than ever that it is a privilege to live among flowers and trees and fresh air--so many blessings that daily bring me joy, like a glass of fresh cold water on a hot day. My puppy--Cooper Anderson--who is a miniature poodle, is an absolute joy--I am so grateful for him! Babies I see and who meet my eyes as they pass by in strollers or Ergos always make me smile. They give me hope, like everyone else's words here! So great to read about JOY when times seem so challenging across the globe. XOXO
Loving everyone’s comments about spring. I grew up in Minnesota and now live in central Illinois. I’ve been here for 25 years now and one of my favorite things about living here is that spring actually comes in the springtime - unlike the springs of my childhood!
It's a small thing, but setting the out-of-office automatic reply in my email just now was such a jolt of joy. I'm headed to a conference a short drive away in a place that I love being, where I will be around friends and learn a lot of stuff.
What is bringing me joy? Freedom. Last night, I made an incredibly hard decision to part ways with my boyfriend of four years. I didn't come to this decision lightly - I dwelled upon it for more than a year. But I want to be on my own, without a man, to find my way in this world. I want to focus on my writing, on traveling, on my goals, focus on ME for the first time my life. While I am sad that a chapter in my life has ended, I am incredibly excited and yes, joyful, for the journey that lies ahead.
What a great question, especially as finding joy can be difficult these days.
For a long time I sought contentment in the interests of others. To a certain extent this is still true: when you care about someone, you tend to support and connect with what they care about.
It wasn’t until my late forties/early fifties that I was able to truly identify and articulate those things that enlivened me. These are, for the most part, reading often and widely; dabbling in various forms of visual art-making; gardening and being out in nature; traveling; and enjoying good food, wine and conversation. Not so complicated, but finally and alas, wholly my own.
These are wonderful! I take pleasure in these things as well. Although I don't really dabble in art, I do enjoy taking pictures with my phone when I'm out and about. I hope you get to incorporate some of these lovely things into your weekend!
There's something wonderful about birdsong, isn't there? I became an avid bird watcher a few years ago, and I love listening to them singing and identifying each song.
Spring! I have so many petunias in bloom (they are such a favorite of mine--I have bright pink ones busting out, and I just got some more "black cat" petunias that I just love. I can sit outside among the flowers and read, draw, and writing. The exuberance I feel at all of this green fuse driving the flowers that it's helping me loosen up in writing--this week, I had writing time in which I had the let-loose feeling of writing something I know a lot about.
(In my book on ugly women, I write about how the phrase "she let herself go" is used as an insult, when actually the idea of letting yourself go can feel quite empowering. As I'm writing this out, I realize that I'd like to work on "letting myself go" like this more often!)
Wow… I have never thought of the “she let herself go” phrase in that way. This feels really important! Definitely going to journal about it this morning. Thank you! 💜
Oh wow, those black cat petunias sound amazing, especially among the bright pink ones. And how wonderful that you can spend time outside in the midst of them. I'm loving ths idea of letting yourself go--in writing and in life--as a positive thing! It's so expansive and has connotations of coloring or writing outside the lines, pushing past the acceptable boundaries, and entering new territory. Exciting!
Great follow-up to the last essay! I happened to read the last one shortly after having lunch with a medievalist and a retired nurse. We ranged in ages from 50s to 80s, and our talk turned to women’s desires - the ease of losing awareness of them amid the demands of work and family. The medievalist reminded us that the Wife of Bath addressed the question, “What do women want?” and could be an inspiration. There’s an audacious woman!
As for me, unscheduled time seems most precious lately. That sort of time is like the clear stream at the bottom of a gorge. Rocks and dirt keep tumbling down to fill it. Gravity doesn’t seem to like a clear-running downhill stream.
The Wife of Bath! Yes! I love that you and your friends were talking about women's desires over lunch. I wish you much unscheduled time this weekend with clear sailing! Think open seas and vistas. :)
I feel like this doggy when I go outside. The cherry trees (many kinds) are blooming all over and the dogwoods are budding. The wind and rain are blowing and washing away all the troubles of growing older and make me feel young again and capable of doing all the things I did when I was 50.
"What is bringing you joy? What is making you feel alive with wonder and curiosity? What would you like more of in your life?" Writing, writing, and writing. Without it everything else is a drag : )
ALL of you above and the original post give me joy in reading about your thoughts and pursuits that take you both inward and outward and not have you totally mired in all of the ugliness, despair and terrors of our politics and world. Thank each of you and all. I’ll be reading / viewing the books and artists discussed.
This Stack today the finest of “community” gathered ad hoc. Substack in general wonderful for cutting down distances and alienation through wonderful reading, writing, chatting, thinking, generally “little family squabbling” as well as of exposing larger uncomfortable fault lines to address.
Hi Phyllis! I'm so glad you are finding some joy here in our little corner of Substack. :) I'm really enjoying this online space as a place to connect without all of the ugliness you speak of.
I’ve really been enjoying soaking up Spring. I’ve been to four different gardens in the past month. I grew up in Florida, which has beautiful nature but does not have defined seasons. I remember my first spring semester in college I was amazed at experiencing a real spring for the first time—all the flowers and everything comes alive and suddenly people are outside everywhere. I had to recite a poem for an Intro to Poetry class and chose “when faces called flowers float out of the ground.” E.E Cummings always seems so perfect for spring!
I love that line from Cummings! I can relate to reveling in spring after living for 23 years in New Orleans, which is a lot like Florida. I visited a beautiful garen in the Yorkshire Dales over Easter weekend and the rhododrendrons were just starting to bloom. It was glorious!
I often look on what I call the “rescue flowers” at Kroger, where they have bouquets marked down really cheap. It’s a wonderful way to surround yourself with flowers!
I felt it this morning looking out at a rainy morning, the nearby hills obscured by some fog, and hearing the spring birds. I have planned a visit to the local university library later in the afternoon, and having such a day to look forward to means everything.
Agree with all the +1’s for the library. When I was a graduate student at UCLA I was able to finagle a pass to the research library at the Geddy. I believe it came with discounted parking, which felt like supreme good fortune. It is such a great pleasure to discover an off-the-beaten-path library.
One thing I've learned about joy in the past year is that I have to step outside of myself a little to realize that I am experiencing joy. A year ago in May I was visiting the Tate Modern in London and trying to take in as much of the permanent exhibits as I could. I wandered into a room with three large paintings by Cy Twombly. I was familiar with this American artist but had not had a strong response to the work I'd seen by him in Houston and Philadelphia. As I looked at the three large paintings in the Tate, I felt completely caught up in them, as though I were one with their movement, as though the red color was chosen just for me, as though they were touching the deepest part of my soul. I paused a moment to realize what I was feeling. Here is a link to the display: https://www.tate.org.uk/visit/tate-modern/display/in-the-studio/cy-twombly
In February I went on a hiking trip to the big island of Hawaii, and I felt a similar sensation of unadulterated joy as I walked through the lava field in a volcano crater. Again, I stepped outside of myself to feel this connection with the lava, with the earth, and with the Hawaiian goddess of fire, Pele.
And--not to give cats short shrift in the joy department--the cat we adopted from a shelter last week does not jump around wriggling with delight, but her purr when I pick her up and hold her against me fills me with joy.
This is so beautiful, Linda! I love these experiences you share. And I love that your new kitty is filling you with joy. I like watching dogs, but when it comes to cuddling, there is nothing like a purring kitty!
My acupuncturist has determined that I need to juice up my life. I totally agree with her. I've been on quite a dry spell creatively, just taking care of the everyday things of life and my health, not feeling I have time for creative endeavors. So three of us are embarking on, starting this morning, Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way workbook. It's not that I don't know what brings me joy (being out in nature, hiking, traveling, writing, communing deeply with friends and family), it's just that I don't make the time for all of it. Already I feel like, do I have time for what this endeavor will ask of me?
Artist’s Way is wonderful—especially doing it with some accountability partners. It has helped me a lot during the last five years. Reading the Stewart Gardner bio and Cameron help me see how blocked I have been. ❤️
How exciting that you are taking up the challenge of The Artist's Way with some friends! That sounds like a lovely journey to be on. It will ask you to make a little space in your life for what matters, and I think that is a very worthy endeavor!
Thanks for this question, Anne. I’m reading the new biography of Isabella Stewart Gardner, written by Natalie Dykstra. She chose the title “Chasing Beauty” to emphasize the famous art patron’s ongoing desires for a fulfilling and stimulating life. I’m woefully understating what the book captures, but reading it is causing me to reflect on my own desires and what has brought me joy in the past and where I find it now. I think I am in a holding pattern, trying to figure out what is the next big thing and trying to find joy in the small activities of daily life.
I hope it doesn’t take me 7 years of journaling to figure it out!
I can relate to changing desires and the holding pattern. Do you find questions in the holding pattern, as I do, about whether some old desires need to make a comeback, or whether there is more energy discovering new ones?
Oh, yes! That sounds like my guilt kicking in all the time. A friend just sent me a picture of beautiful hand-spun and dyed yarn from a market in Santa Fe, and I am thinking, why am I not wanting to knit anymore? And walking around my neighborhood this morning, everyone is gardening. And I am asking, why am I not feeling the call to garden, after so many years of loving it???
I just love that about Chasing Beauty. It is a gorgeous title and it sounds like a stimulating read. If only we all had the money Gardner did to chase beauty with such gusto! :) I don't know the outcome of Milner's book, if the experiment was completed in 7 years. I suspect it's a life's journey, finding and embracing the things that make us feel alive!
Anne’s response reminded me of the years when I had my beloved dogs, Jack and Alice. Due to a family need, we had spent 2 years with a small yard. When I moved myself and the dogs to western Maryland, we suddenly had 1/3 acre. When I let the dogs out into that fenced yard, after a nine hour drive, they were so amazed, so joyful, and I wept and laughed at the same time, so happy that they were able to run. I would also like to have a small dog but it’s not the right time in my life for that.
Anne’s question makes me realize that, too, the quest for joy changes as we age. I will be 77 in June. I find myself gauging this experience or that experience, wondering, is this it? Is this what I should seek more of? And this weekend I believe that community, creating community, giving myself the chance to feel part of a community, is something I need more of. For instance, last week I chatted with the driver of my bus, a thirty-ish young mother with extensive tattoos. At a red light, she threw up her arms and said, with joy, “I love this job!” Sharing that small moment with a stranger made me happy. It’s the little moments I appreciate. Glimmers, someone called them on fb recently.
I had a Glimmer walking my dog this morning when a woman across the street started talking to me about my dog, various cats of hers. It was a four minute exchange across a street, but it brought me joy! Sometimes I feel a lot of time scarcity related to various roles - parent, child of a mother who needs care herself, wife, worker - but moments when I’m just a person walking her dog on a really nice day who is game for a four-minute exchange that boils down to “pets are nice.” That’s really something!
Yes! Finding those times when we are just ourselves are precious! Especially when we have so many roles to play. Thank you for your moment of joy, Kelly!
This is so lovely, Patricia!! The scene of your dogs discovering their new home is just beautiful. As is the scene with the bus driver! I too would like more community and connection. Just putting this thread out there and seeing all your lovely responses is giving me a nice dose of that today. :)
This morning I stood looking out at the beach and found myself utterly delighted by the little doggies running around out there. One was a little white Westie, which you see a lot of here in Scotland. I just think they are adorable. Seeing this one's little body wriggling around in eager anticipation of its owner throwing a ball, and then its pure joy as it darted off down the beach after it, I felt a little like my own spirit was running with it.
I love how animals--dogs, in particular--are so transparent in their emotions. When they feel joy, it just pours out of every part of their bodies. I long to have a little doggie like that in my life. But it's utterly unpractical right now. So I take the time as often as I can to watch them and feel the contagiousness of their joy at being outside or on the beach.
These are wonderful! I take pleasure in these things as well. Although I don't really dabble in art, I do enjoy taking pictures with my phone when I'm out and about. I hope you get to incorporate some of these lovely things into your weekend!
Ellen, what a fascinating topic! Have you heard of Mignon Eberhart? While not strictly a writer of female detectives, she wrote mysteries/crime novels from the 1930s through the 1980s. She's from Nebraska (as am I). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mignon_G._Eberhart
Sounds like you have a lovely day ahead of you! I've heard of Sayers but don't know her work. I looked up a basic bio of her and found this from the Sayers Society; https://www.sayers.org.uk/biography. At the end they list the biographies written about her, and I was shocked how many of them there are! So many women don't have a single one, or only one, and look at how many books she has inspired. Amazing!
Francesca Wade's recent group biography, Square Haunting, treats Sayers among four other "audacious women" who all happened to live in the same London square in Bloomsbury between WWI and WWII, among them Virginia Woolf and the poet H.D.
Oh, how wonderful! My mother-in-law gave me my first Sayers novel, and then I read Gaudy Night in a feminist theory class (that used mystery novels at the heart of the class--it was a cool class).
The cacophony of early morning birds sets my heart atwitter with glee and gratitude. The springtime blossoms all over town pull me to inhale deeply, slow down, and count my blessings. These days we can recognize more sharply than ever that it is a privilege to live among flowers and trees and fresh air--so many blessings that daily bring me joy, like a glass of fresh cold water on a hot day. My puppy--Cooper Anderson--who is a miniature poodle, is an absolute joy--I am so grateful for him! Babies I see and who meet my eyes as they pass by in strollers or Ergos always make me smile. They give me hope, like everyone else's words here! So great to read about JOY when times seem so challenging across the globe. XOXO
So beautiful Elif! It really is wonderful to stop and consider what is bringing us joy. I’m glad you joined in! 😊
What an amazing community you have going and growing here!! I love it.
Loving everyone’s comments about spring. I grew up in Minnesota and now live in central Illinois. I’ve been here for 25 years now and one of my favorite things about living here is that spring actually comes in the springtime - unlike the springs of my childhood!
I grew up in Minnesota too! In St. Paul. And I went to the U for undergrad.
I grew up in St. Paul too! Not far from Linwood Park off of St. Clair.
I grew up on Ashland, between St. Thomas and Macalaster. That seems like several lifetimes ago!
Practically neighbors! And St Thomas is where I did my undergrad. Small world. (I like to refer to St Paul as “St Small” for this exact reason.)
Aww, that’s so cool! Great school.
Walking out in the country early in the morning & breathing in the spring air. It's a small, simple thing but definitely brings joy.
Sounds splendid! Enjoy!
It's a small thing, but setting the out-of-office automatic reply in my email just now was such a jolt of joy. I'm headed to a conference a short drive away in a place that I love being, where I will be around friends and learn a lot of stuff.
That sounds lovely. Have a wonderful time!
What is bringing me joy? Freedom. Last night, I made an incredibly hard decision to part ways with my boyfriend of four years. I didn't come to this decision lightly - I dwelled upon it for more than a year. But I want to be on my own, without a man, to find my way in this world. I want to focus on my writing, on traveling, on my goals, focus on ME for the first time my life. While I am sad that a chapter in my life has ended, I am incredibly excited and yes, joyful, for the journey that lies ahead.
That is extremely brave to make a decision that doesn’t come easily. I excited for your journey that lies ahead!!!
Thanks! I've been doing awesome since I made the decision. Definitely the right one!
Good for you! I am glad that you are celebrating your freedom.
thank you!
Congratulations Melissa on starting a new chapter in your life! Focusing on oneself after giving for so many years is an incredible feeling!
(And I’ll respond to your email soon!)
Thank you, Anne!
What a great question, especially as finding joy can be difficult these days.
For a long time I sought contentment in the interests of others. To a certain extent this is still true: when you care about someone, you tend to support and connect with what they care about.
It wasn’t until my late forties/early fifties that I was able to truly identify and articulate those things that enlivened me. These are, for the most part, reading often and widely; dabbling in various forms of visual art-making; gardening and being out in nature; traveling; and enjoying good food, wine and conversation. Not so complicated, but finally and alas, wholly my own.
These are wonderful! I take pleasure in these things as well. Although I don't really dabble in art, I do enjoy taking pictures with my phone when I'm out and about. I hope you get to incorporate some of these lovely things into your weekend!
Birdsong. Bedroom window open. Daisy, my dog. Sturdy shoes. Walk around the block in sunshine. Leftover stuffed spinach pizza.
There's something wonderful about birdsong, isn't there? I became an avid bird watcher a few years ago, and I love listening to them singing and identifying each song.
Birdsong is how I wake up most mornings once the migration is underway.
Sounds like a lovely Saturday! Enjoy! (I just noticed that has the word "joy" in it. Nice!)
Lots of joy. Lots of desire, too. I'm reading and writing on a Saturday when I could be outside playing joyfully.
Spring! I have so many petunias in bloom (they are such a favorite of mine--I have bright pink ones busting out, and I just got some more "black cat" petunias that I just love. I can sit outside among the flowers and read, draw, and writing. The exuberance I feel at all of this green fuse driving the flowers that it's helping me loosen up in writing--this week, I had writing time in which I had the let-loose feeling of writing something I know a lot about.
(In my book on ugly women, I write about how the phrase "she let herself go" is used as an insult, when actually the idea of letting yourself go can feel quite empowering. As I'm writing this out, I realize that I'd like to work on "letting myself go" like this more often!)
Wow… I have never thought of the “she let herself go” phrase in that way. This feels really important! Definitely going to journal about it this morning. Thank you! 💜
Oh wow, those black cat petunias sound amazing, especially among the bright pink ones. And how wonderful that you can spend time outside in the midst of them. I'm loving ths idea of letting yourself go--in writing and in life--as a positive thing! It's so expansive and has connotations of coloring or writing outside the lines, pushing past the acceptable boundaries, and entering new territory. Exciting!
Great follow-up to the last essay! I happened to read the last one shortly after having lunch with a medievalist and a retired nurse. We ranged in ages from 50s to 80s, and our talk turned to women’s desires - the ease of losing awareness of them amid the demands of work and family. The medievalist reminded us that the Wife of Bath addressed the question, “What do women want?” and could be an inspiration. There’s an audacious woman!
As for me, unscheduled time seems most precious lately. That sort of time is like the clear stream at the bottom of a gorge. Rocks and dirt keep tumbling down to fill it. Gravity doesn’t seem to like a clear-running downhill stream.
The Wife of Bath! Yes! I love that you and your friends were talking about women's desires over lunch. I wish you much unscheduled time this weekend with clear sailing! Think open seas and vistas. :)
Mmm-hmm!
I feel like this doggy when I go outside. The cherry trees (many kinds) are blooming all over and the dogwoods are budding. The wind and rain are blowing and washing away all the troubles of growing older and make me feel young again and capable of doing all the things I did when I was 50.
That's sounds lovely! I hope the feeling continues!! :)
"What is bringing you joy? What is making you feel alive with wonder and curiosity? What would you like more of in your life?" Writing, writing, and writing. Without it everything else is a drag : )
Nice answer! Writing brings me a lot of joy and wonder. Frustration sometimes, too, but it enriches my life like nothing else can.
ALL of you above and the original post give me joy in reading about your thoughts and pursuits that take you both inward and outward and not have you totally mired in all of the ugliness, despair and terrors of our politics and world. Thank each of you and all. I’ll be reading / viewing the books and artists discussed.
This Stack today the finest of “community” gathered ad hoc. Substack in general wonderful for cutting down distances and alienation through wonderful reading, writing, chatting, thinking, generally “little family squabbling” as well as of exposing larger uncomfortable fault lines to address.
Hi Phyllis! I'm so glad you are finding some joy here in our little corner of Substack. :) I'm really enjoying this online space as a place to connect without all of the ugliness you speak of.
I’ve really been enjoying soaking up Spring. I’ve been to four different gardens in the past month. I grew up in Florida, which has beautiful nature but does not have defined seasons. I remember my first spring semester in college I was amazed at experiencing a real spring for the first time—all the flowers and everything comes alive and suddenly people are outside everywhere. I had to recite a poem for an Intro to Poetry class and chose “when faces called flowers float out of the ground.” E.E Cummings always seems so perfect for spring!
I love that quote so much, too--it is perfect for spring!
I love that line from Cummings! I can relate to reveling in spring after living for 23 years in New Orleans, which is a lot like Florida. I visited a beautiful garen in the Yorkshire Dales over Easter weekend and the rhododrendrons were just starting to bloom. It was glorious!
Living in New Orleans, I missed seasons a lot, too. And it still feels miraculous with flowers return after winter.
Truly miraculous! I need a life ethics that revolves around flowers. Maybe starting with buying cut flowers more as a treat!
I often look on what I call the “rescue flowers” at Kroger, where they have bouquets marked down really cheap. It’s a wonderful way to surround yourself with flowers!
Yes, having cut flowers around always makes me feel good, extra alert to the beauty around me. It's been quite a while, though.
I felt it this morning looking out at a rainy morning, the nearby hills obscured by some fog, and hearing the spring birds. I have planned a visit to the local university library later in the afternoon, and having such a day to look forward to means everything.
Agree with all the +1’s for the library. When I was a graduate student at UCLA I was able to finagle a pass to the research library at the Geddy. I believe it came with discounted parking, which felt like supreme good fortune. It is such a great pleasure to discover an off-the-beaten-path library.
This sounds like a wonderful day!
Oh yes, a beautiful vista, bird song, and an afternoon at the library sounds just lovely!
One thing I've learned about joy in the past year is that I have to step outside of myself a little to realize that I am experiencing joy. A year ago in May I was visiting the Tate Modern in London and trying to take in as much of the permanent exhibits as I could. I wandered into a room with three large paintings by Cy Twombly. I was familiar with this American artist but had not had a strong response to the work I'd seen by him in Houston and Philadelphia. As I looked at the three large paintings in the Tate, I felt completely caught up in them, as though I were one with their movement, as though the red color was chosen just for me, as though they were touching the deepest part of my soul. I paused a moment to realize what I was feeling. Here is a link to the display: https://www.tate.org.uk/visit/tate-modern/display/in-the-studio/cy-twombly
In February I went on a hiking trip to the big island of Hawaii, and I felt a similar sensation of unadulterated joy as I walked through the lava field in a volcano crater. Again, I stepped outside of myself to feel this connection with the lava, with the earth, and with the Hawaiian goddess of fire, Pele.
And--not to give cats short shrift in the joy department--the cat we adopted from a shelter last week does not jump around wriggling with delight, but her purr when I pick her up and hold her against me fills me with joy.
This is so beautiful, Linda! I love these experiences you share. And I love that your new kitty is filling you with joy. I like watching dogs, but when it comes to cuddling, there is nothing like a purring kitty!
My acupuncturist has determined that I need to juice up my life. I totally agree with her. I've been on quite a dry spell creatively, just taking care of the everyday things of life and my health, not feeling I have time for creative endeavors. So three of us are embarking on, starting this morning, Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way workbook. It's not that I don't know what brings me joy (being out in nature, hiking, traveling, writing, communing deeply with friends and family), it's just that I don't make the time for all of it. Already I feel like, do I have time for what this endeavor will ask of me?
Artist’s Way is wonderful—especially doing it with some accountability partners. It has helped me a lot during the last five years. Reading the Stewart Gardner bio and Cameron help me see how blocked I have been. ❤️
How exciting that you are taking up the challenge of The Artist's Way with some friends! That sounds like a lovely journey to be on. It will ask you to make a little space in your life for what matters, and I think that is a very worthy endeavor!
Thanks for this question, Anne. I’m reading the new biography of Isabella Stewart Gardner, written by Natalie Dykstra. She chose the title “Chasing Beauty” to emphasize the famous art patron’s ongoing desires for a fulfilling and stimulating life. I’m woefully understating what the book captures, but reading it is causing me to reflect on my own desires and what has brought me joy in the past and where I find it now. I think I am in a holding pattern, trying to figure out what is the next big thing and trying to find joy in the small activities of daily life.
I hope it doesn’t take me 7 years of journaling to figure it out!
Is the book worth reading?
Thank you for asking the question!
I can relate to changing desires and the holding pattern. Do you find questions in the holding pattern, as I do, about whether some old desires need to make a comeback, or whether there is more energy discovering new ones?
Oh, yes! That sounds like my guilt kicking in all the time. A friend just sent me a picture of beautiful hand-spun and dyed yarn from a market in Santa Fe, and I am thinking, why am I not wanting to knit anymore? And walking around my neighborhood this morning, everyone is gardening. And I am asking, why am I not feeling the call to garden, after so many years of loving it???
Omg, you speak my language! 😅😂
I love that I’m getting a list of biographies to read from this newsletter—something I’ve been wanting to read more of! Adding Chasing Beauty now!
It's really good!
I just love that about Chasing Beauty. It is a gorgeous title and it sounds like a stimulating read. If only we all had the money Gardner did to chase beauty with such gusto! :) I don't know the outcome of Milner's book, if the experiment was completed in 7 years. I suspect it's a life's journey, finding and embracing the things that make us feel alive!
Anne’s response reminded me of the years when I had my beloved dogs, Jack and Alice. Due to a family need, we had spent 2 years with a small yard. When I moved myself and the dogs to western Maryland, we suddenly had 1/3 acre. When I let the dogs out into that fenced yard, after a nine hour drive, they were so amazed, so joyful, and I wept and laughed at the same time, so happy that they were able to run. I would also like to have a small dog but it’s not the right time in my life for that.
Anne’s question makes me realize that, too, the quest for joy changes as we age. I will be 77 in June. I find myself gauging this experience or that experience, wondering, is this it? Is this what I should seek more of? And this weekend I believe that community, creating community, giving myself the chance to feel part of a community, is something I need more of. For instance, last week I chatted with the driver of my bus, a thirty-ish young mother with extensive tattoos. At a red light, she threw up her arms and said, with joy, “I love this job!” Sharing that small moment with a stranger made me happy. It’s the little moments I appreciate. Glimmers, someone called them on fb recently.
I had a Glimmer walking my dog this morning when a woman across the street started talking to me about my dog, various cats of hers. It was a four minute exchange across a street, but it brought me joy! Sometimes I feel a lot of time scarcity related to various roles - parent, child of a mother who needs care herself, wife, worker - but moments when I’m just a person walking her dog on a really nice day who is game for a four-minute exchange that boils down to “pets are nice.” That’s really something!
Yes! Finding those times when we are just ourselves are precious! Especially when we have so many roles to play. Thank you for your moment of joy, Kelly!
This is so lovely, Patricia!! The scene of your dogs discovering their new home is just beautiful. As is the scene with the bus driver! I too would like more community and connection. Just putting this thread out there and seeing all your lovely responses is giving me a nice dose of that today. :)
That’s great that the driver loves her job! How many people don’t??? And I appreciate that those joys and desires change. See my other post!
This morning I stood looking out at the beach and found myself utterly delighted by the little doggies running around out there. One was a little white Westie, which you see a lot of here in Scotland. I just think they are adorable. Seeing this one's little body wriggling around in eager anticipation of its owner throwing a ball, and then its pure joy as it darted off down the beach after it, I felt a little like my own spirit was running with it.
I love how animals--dogs, in particular--are so transparent in their emotions. When they feel joy, it just pours out of every part of their bodies. I long to have a little doggie like that in my life. But it's utterly unpractical right now. So I take the time as often as I can to watch them and feel the contagiousness of their joy at being outside or on the beach.
These are wonderful! I take pleasure in these things as well. Although I don't really dabble in art, I do enjoy taking pictures with my phone when I'm out and about. I hope you get to incorporate some of these lovely things into your weekend!
I love Sayers, and especially Gaudy Night, also. (But also her translations of Dante.)
Did you see Ann Kennedy Smith's piece that touches on women at Oxford during Sayers's time?
It's a great read: https://open.substack.com/pub/akennedysmith/p/connecting-threads-part-1?r=2u2cxe&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
And just enjoyed reading this, by Rebecca D Martin, also on Substack, about Gaudy Night:
https://open.substack.com/pub/rebeccadmartin/p/no-end-to-lord-peter?r=2u2cxe&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Yes, very likely! Amazing to find overlaps in this way. Social media feels like a whole new world.
Ellen, what a fascinating topic! Have you heard of Mignon Eberhart? While not strictly a writer of female detectives, she wrote mysteries/crime novels from the 1930s through the 1980s. She's from Nebraska (as am I). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mignon_G._Eberhart
Sounds like you have a lovely day ahead of you! I've heard of Sayers but don't know her work. I looked up a basic bio of her and found this from the Sayers Society; https://www.sayers.org.uk/biography. At the end they list the biographies written about her, and I was shocked how many of them there are! So many women don't have a single one, or only one, and look at how many books she has inspired. Amazing!
Francesca Wade's recent group biography, Square Haunting, treats Sayers among four other "audacious women" who all happened to live in the same London square in Bloomsbury between WWI and WWII, among them Virginia Woolf and the poet H.D.
I was just reading Ruth Franklin's essay in Harper's about Square Haunting and thinking I have to get a copy of this book! https://harpers.org/archive/2020/06/splinters-and-mosaics-francesca-wade-square-haunting-maggie-doherty-the-equivalents/
Oh, how wonderful! My mother-in-law gave me my first Sayers novel, and then I read Gaudy Night in a feminist theory class (that used mystery novels at the heart of the class--it was a cool class).
I'm going to look up Square Haunting.
Sounds very cool!