Anne, I’m fairly new to Substack and just finding my way around. I love your honesty in sharing the challenges of making huge life changes. Reading about your quest for the country that can provide you with a visa I’m wondering if you have ever thought about South East Asia? I’m Canadian and after years of working abroad I’ve settled in Chiang Mai Thailand. Such an amazing place. Unbelievable beauty, wonderful welcoming people, great food, low cost of living and easy visas. I’m grateful every day for this choice. Wherever I go in the world, it’s always such a joy and relief to return to my home in Chiang Mai.
I've lived in several countries, with the US being the most current one. My husband and I have talked about going overseas again for the past few years, more so because I want my kiddo to experience a life with more adventure. I am personally tired of where I am because the systems aren't designed for certain people to thrive. I haven't given up on the US (there are some amazing people I've grown to cherish here) but for now, it may either be a break or we're headed to another state to be closer to family.
This post (and comments) are so interesting, insightful, and timely. It's hard to put into words my experiences but I will try. As many have said, the grass is not always greener on the other side. And, if you haven't done (or are willing to do) work on yourself, your location will not bring you the 100% happiness that you are seeking. My own experiences are quite unique. It might be different for others. I am originally from the UK and left 20 years when my husband suddenly died. I didn't fit into the traditional way of life: Married, kids, mortgage, job. I had always had dreams of being a writer but those were often dismissed for the expected way of life. My husband and I had traveled a lot so it really should have come as no surprise to anyone that after spending 3 weeks solo travel in Costa Rica, returning to the UK, another 3 week solo trip to the US, I packed everything up, rented out my flat, and had the intention of travelling for a year. Of course, I met husband #2 in the US, "fell in love" and stayed. Unfortunately my judgment was clouded, the marriage ended up being abusive, but I was too invested in my new life to leave (both the marriage and the country), and resolved to make it work while adjusting to a new culture, place, and building a business. Writing saved me to some extent during that time (both personally and professionally), until I eventually left the marriage due to a collapse of my health. Fast forward 10 years (I'm still in the US), and I'm now selling my current home, downsizing, moving to a new town (still within the same state), and once settled, considering pursing that writing MA, among other things. I don't desire to go back to the UK as they too have many issues which have grown since I left. There's issues here for sure as well but I think location depends on an individual's needs, age in life, health issues and more. We are all different and I respect and love that. I've eschewed the expected default life since my 20s (trying to fit into it but circumstances and life steered me elsewhere!) and I'm happy to see many others now doing the same. Do what's in your heart, no matter how long it takes to get there. Forge your own brave pathway and be happy above all else. AAnd yes there will be ups and downs but that's what makes it worthwhile 🥰 PS I'll also be doing a solo road trip with my dog across the states next year to kickstart travel again!
Thank you, Sharon, for sharing your story. Oh what twisted roads we travel. I really appreciate your advice to do what's in your heart. I've been doing that and boy have there been ups and downs. I have no idea where my heart will take me next, but I haven't landed anywhere to put down roots yet. (I'll write more about that in a future post.)
I love your posts, Anne! And the community of people who have grown up around it. Many kindred spirits for sure. I'm curious and interested to see where your heart takes you next 😊
Thankyou for sharing. May i suggest an out of the box idea; have you considered a move to Africa? Specifically Kenya. Im Kenyan and its a beautiful country with welcoming people. Alot of individuals and couples relocate to Kenya. Consider the coastal area away from Nairobi city life.
I have this conversation all the time with myself - having now moved to Canada. While there are some big factors that are better (gun violence and basic health care) it still feels like the slightly less worse version of the capitalist rat race.
I can relate, and having dual citizenship, my path is wide-open to live either in the US or Europe (where I was born). The US is dealing with many problems, and they seem to increase by the minute, but in Europe, there are many problems as well. Yes, it's beautiful to take the train and travel from country to country, and there is Venice, Tuscany, the charming Cotswolds, and Paris, to name just a few. But if one looks closer, there are many, many other problems. I could talk about this subject for hours, as I have been debating this for several years now. Shall I stay in the US, or move back to Europe? No place can give us what is missing in our hearts. So, the question is, what is missing? 💖
Since we have spoken before, I see more and more women with a similar reasons to leave (town, state, or country). I want to say I am not nomadic, but I have lived a life of constant movement.
The state people are forced to live (job, neighborhood, house, and the people) in Northern California has gotten brutal. Sexism/misogyny in construction manland is rampant. The activity by wannabe thugs in neighborhoods, makes it so you cannot leave your house to walk your dog without altercation. They play chase with the police, which recently ended with one crashing through my front yard, one foot from my living room wall. Gunfire, sirens, helicopters, screeching tires.. all normal around here. I won't get started on the condition of my rental home in this "great area."
I make good money, but as a single income, it equals out to the lower ends of town to get under $2500. a month for rent. I am tired of this life. I am weary from fight or flight. I just want to live in peace and without the struggle of this nation.
I relate! I sold a small farm and big house/catering biz in 2019 ready to downsize and go into my mid 50s exploring an easier pace of life. Nothing felt like "home" in the US either. And I found too, that even established, with some cash for housing etc, I was priced out of everything that felt like a good plan. When everything got shut down in 2020 my nomadic "let's see about this" vanlife adventure was a real pain so I took my dog and headed to Mexico. It was all fine until someone broadsided us and I lost everything. Soooo, standing in the middle of the desert in a not friendly not touristed area of Sonora I stayed in an ugly dusty town where there were more stray dogs than people and I started pulling ticks and calling around for vets who would travel 4 hours to do clinics to spay some very sad females. I rent a horrible little house with a dusty back yard and the food is wretched hahahahahaha. There's no delivery, I have no address, and no one speaks English and my Spanish isn't the dialect they speak here, but STILL I press on. The next chapter isn't always amazing views and good bakeries though I wish it was. I've had to lean into this. I could have left I guess after a couple months after insurance gave me a pittance for my old Toyota van, but I felt like I'd be of service here. And I am, even if the only ones who care are 4 leggeds. Enjoy what you have in Scotland or wherever now and don't worry about a future visa or whatever. If the last 5 years has taught us anything, it's that THINGS WILL CHANGE. And FAST. Just live for today. xxoo
This hit me full in the chest. I currently have nomadic fantasies at the moment. My daughter has gone off to uni and I’m also single. I am a UK resident but worried we will go the way of the US (minus the gun violence). I also write and keep wondering whether to buy a van and just take off and continue the travelling I did before work and family took over. Thank you for this article, it is definitely good for thought. I think the Art Council need to review their non fiction bias!!
I agree! Will you let the Arts Council know? :) And congrats on your new freedom! I hope you find something inspiring and soul-enriching to do with it.
Love this, so inspirational. I love where you live, I read Bass Rock by Evie Wild a few years ago. Last year look my 21 daughter with me to see Bass Rock and on a pilgrimage to see significant sites of the persecution of women as witches across England and Scotland. Such a powerful location!!
I am jumping ship inch by inch. This will be my second winter in Sicily. There is art and history around every corner. It make take a bit more time to set up my life to be had in the US and half in Europe, but it’s my plan!
As I leave my home state of Nebraska, where I've lived my entire 49 years, and move to Virginia next week, I have to thank YOU, Anne, for being so honest and open about your own journey. My original plan is to eventually settle in the UK if I can, but for now, I'm hoping this change of scenery and move to a place overflowing with history will give me the peace I so crave. I know that yes, as you said, the personal problems won't magically go away. But one of my issues is just feeling stagnant where I am. I really hope that changes once I move. There's SO MUCH I want to explore in my new home, and I can't wait to get started. And my writing...oh how I want to fill my creative well and I have a feeling that will happen in my new environment.
These are such great points, Melissa, and exactly how I was feeling—STANGNANT. Change is so important, and I was craving it. With that comes uncertainty about the future, but that was what I wanted, to get out in the world and see what else was happening, what other lives out there might be possible for me. I sincerely hope your move gives you that recharge that you need. Best of luck to you!
I am in process of figuring out where to live and if I even want to live one place for any more than a month or two at a time. I have spent the last fourteen years (with a break for Covid) traveling at least two months a year outside the US traveling by myself and the last two years doing the same for nine or ten months of the year. As to personal problems, they are just part of the mental landscape without reference to the geographical landscape. I am resonating to the distractions in the places outside the US that take my mind off the problems that dominate the culture of the US currently. I get restless after a month or two in any one place. I like living by myself, but I love making friends and getting to know the people I meet. I love visiting people I have met along the way. I need to be in places long enough to do some writing. I just booked six weeks in a Digital Nomad space in Porto, Portugal (did that last year). At the moment I am not seeking any sort of long term visa, I am just doing the visitor visa thing. Since I am retired with a modest pension, I do not have to look for a paying job other than hopes that the writing might produce income at some point. My grandchildren are old enough that a couple of visits are about as much as they want or need. I stay for a few weeks in the US twice a year. They have started traveling also (with a little help from Grandpa). My Siblings are much older than I, so I visit them each time I am in the country. For now this pattern of living is working, but I am still in process, considering my options as I go.
Thank you, Peter, for sharing your experiences. I’d love to spend some time in Porto sometime. I keep hearing about Portugal and haven’t been yet. Where is the place you stay there, or are going to stay? I’d love to hear about your experiences there.
One more thing! And I know not everyone will feel this way. If you have kids and expect to have grandkids, the most free you will ever feel is the time between launching your kids and the time grandkids come along. They can be like magnets. Many people do not want to live far away from grandkids. Just sayin’. So go forth and adventure!
(I didn’t mean to post my full comment in reply to Maggie!)
I think about this question of geographic relocation often. In fact, my first novel is about a woman who follows through on her dream of living in another country. And it’s set in 1989, not now. She had a passion that led her to another country.
And now, of course, my friends and family discuss this often. And I must admit that as soon as I cross a border out of the USA, my body relaxes. The constant need to be vigilant about gun violence is stressful. But, now, at the age of 77, the USA has its hooks in me because I want the medical care I am accustomed to, in my own language, and much of it paid for by Medicare. (I know I pay for that, too, no need to rush to remind me.) So actually relocating is off the table for me. The vision of traveling for long stretches still entices me. I’m fortunate with my secondary health insurance. It is quite generous when it comes to medical needs while traveling.
Yet, I remind myself that the long arm of fascism is wrapping itself around the globe. And the hegemonic influence of djt and the USA cannot be escaped.
I have lived outside the USA for two periods in my life, seven months in Mexico and 4 years in Canada. Both times I voluntarily returned home. As a writer, I am dismayed to admit that the names of places and rivers and flora and fauna in those other places didn’t resonate with me. Place is central to my writing. Maybe if I’d stayed longer they would have.
I applaud those who go; I feel a kinship with those who stay. These are such individual decisions.
I’m so glad, Patricia, that you have found a home in the US that meets your needs and feels relativley safe. We all need to do what is best in our situation. Still trying to figure that out for myself!
Anne, I’m fairly new to Substack and just finding my way around. I love your honesty in sharing the challenges of making huge life changes. Reading about your quest for the country that can provide you with a visa I’m wondering if you have ever thought about South East Asia? I’m Canadian and after years of working abroad I’ve settled in Chiang Mai Thailand. Such an amazing place. Unbelievable beauty, wonderful welcoming people, great food, low cost of living and easy visas. I’m grateful every day for this choice. Wherever I go in the world, it’s always such a joy and relief to return to my home in Chiang Mai.
I've lived in several countries, with the US being the most current one. My husband and I have talked about going overseas again for the past few years, more so because I want my kiddo to experience a life with more adventure. I am personally tired of where I am because the systems aren't designed for certain people to thrive. I haven't given up on the US (there are some amazing people I've grown to cherish here) but for now, it may either be a break or we're headed to another state to be closer to family.
This post (and comments) are so interesting, insightful, and timely. It's hard to put into words my experiences but I will try. As many have said, the grass is not always greener on the other side. And, if you haven't done (or are willing to do) work on yourself, your location will not bring you the 100% happiness that you are seeking. My own experiences are quite unique. It might be different for others. I am originally from the UK and left 20 years when my husband suddenly died. I didn't fit into the traditional way of life: Married, kids, mortgage, job. I had always had dreams of being a writer but those were often dismissed for the expected way of life. My husband and I had traveled a lot so it really should have come as no surprise to anyone that after spending 3 weeks solo travel in Costa Rica, returning to the UK, another 3 week solo trip to the US, I packed everything up, rented out my flat, and had the intention of travelling for a year. Of course, I met husband #2 in the US, "fell in love" and stayed. Unfortunately my judgment was clouded, the marriage ended up being abusive, but I was too invested in my new life to leave (both the marriage and the country), and resolved to make it work while adjusting to a new culture, place, and building a business. Writing saved me to some extent during that time (both personally and professionally), until I eventually left the marriage due to a collapse of my health. Fast forward 10 years (I'm still in the US), and I'm now selling my current home, downsizing, moving to a new town (still within the same state), and once settled, considering pursing that writing MA, among other things. I don't desire to go back to the UK as they too have many issues which have grown since I left. There's issues here for sure as well but I think location depends on an individual's needs, age in life, health issues and more. We are all different and I respect and love that. I've eschewed the expected default life since my 20s (trying to fit into it but circumstances and life steered me elsewhere!) and I'm happy to see many others now doing the same. Do what's in your heart, no matter how long it takes to get there. Forge your own brave pathway and be happy above all else. AAnd yes there will be ups and downs but that's what makes it worthwhile 🥰 PS I'll also be doing a solo road trip with my dog across the states next year to kickstart travel again!
Thank you, Sharon, for sharing your story. Oh what twisted roads we travel. I really appreciate your advice to do what's in your heart. I've been doing that and boy have there been ups and downs. I have no idea where my heart will take me next, but I haven't landed anywhere to put down roots yet. (I'll write more about that in a future post.)
I love your posts, Anne! And the community of people who have grown up around it. Many kindred spirits for sure. I'm curious and interested to see where your heart takes you next 😊
Thankyou for sharing. May i suggest an out of the box idea; have you considered a move to Africa? Specifically Kenya. Im Kenyan and its a beautiful country with welcoming people. Alot of individuals and couples relocate to Kenya. Consider the coastal area away from Nairobi city life.
I have this conversation all the time with myself - having now moved to Canada. While there are some big factors that are better (gun violence and basic health care) it still feels like the slightly less worse version of the capitalist rat race.
That’s interesting, Makayla. And too bad. It feels like the rat race is spreading the globe.
I can relate, and having dual citizenship, my path is wide-open to live either in the US or Europe (where I was born). The US is dealing with many problems, and they seem to increase by the minute, but in Europe, there are many problems as well. Yes, it's beautiful to take the train and travel from country to country, and there is Venice, Tuscany, the charming Cotswolds, and Paris, to name just a few. But if one looks closer, there are many, many other problems. I could talk about this subject for hours, as I have been debating this for several years now. Shall I stay in the US, or move back to Europe? No place can give us what is missing in our hearts. So, the question is, what is missing? 💖
Indeed. The inner journey is way more important than the outer one. Planning to write more about htat.
Since we have spoken before, I see more and more women with a similar reasons to leave (town, state, or country). I want to say I am not nomadic, but I have lived a life of constant movement.
The state people are forced to live (job, neighborhood, house, and the people) in Northern California has gotten brutal. Sexism/misogyny in construction manland is rampant. The activity by wannabe thugs in neighborhoods, makes it so you cannot leave your house to walk your dog without altercation. They play chase with the police, which recently ended with one crashing through my front yard, one foot from my living room wall. Gunfire, sirens, helicopters, screeching tires.. all normal around here. I won't get started on the condition of my rental home in this "great area."
I make good money, but as a single income, it equals out to the lower ends of town to get under $2500. a month for rent. I am tired of this life. I am weary from fight or flight. I just want to live in peace and without the struggle of this nation.
Yikes! That is way too much to spend for rent! And way too much to deal with on top of it. I hope you can find a saner place to live.
I relate! I sold a small farm and big house/catering biz in 2019 ready to downsize and go into my mid 50s exploring an easier pace of life. Nothing felt like "home" in the US either. And I found too, that even established, with some cash for housing etc, I was priced out of everything that felt like a good plan. When everything got shut down in 2020 my nomadic "let's see about this" vanlife adventure was a real pain so I took my dog and headed to Mexico. It was all fine until someone broadsided us and I lost everything. Soooo, standing in the middle of the desert in a not friendly not touristed area of Sonora I stayed in an ugly dusty town where there were more stray dogs than people and I started pulling ticks and calling around for vets who would travel 4 hours to do clinics to spay some very sad females. I rent a horrible little house with a dusty back yard and the food is wretched hahahahahaha. There's no delivery, I have no address, and no one speaks English and my Spanish isn't the dialect they speak here, but STILL I press on. The next chapter isn't always amazing views and good bakeries though I wish it was. I've had to lean into this. I could have left I guess after a couple months after insurance gave me a pittance for my old Toyota van, but I felt like I'd be of service here. And I am, even if the only ones who care are 4 leggeds. Enjoy what you have in Scotland or wherever now and don't worry about a future visa or whatever. If the last 5 years has taught us anything, it's that THINGS WILL CHANGE. And FAST. Just live for today. xxoo
Thank you. Yes, very much trying to live for today. And best of luck to you in the desert!
This hit me full in the chest. I currently have nomadic fantasies at the moment. My daughter has gone off to uni and I’m also single. I am a UK resident but worried we will go the way of the US (minus the gun violence). I also write and keep wondering whether to buy a van and just take off and continue the travelling I did before work and family took over. Thank you for this article, it is definitely good for thought. I think the Art Council need to review their non fiction bias!!
I agree! Will you let the Arts Council know? :) And congrats on your new freedom! I hope you find something inspiring and soul-enriching to do with it.
Love this, so inspirational. I love where you live, I read Bass Rock by Evie Wild a few years ago. Last year look my 21 daughter with me to see Bass Rock and on a pilgrimage to see significant sites of the persecution of women as witches across England and Scotland. Such a powerful location!!
Sounds like a wonderful trip! I lived for four months with the sight of Bass Rock out my window. I developed a deep love for it, for sure!
I would love to go to those sites too! I shall have to read the book
I am jumping ship inch by inch. This will be my second winter in Sicily. There is art and history around every corner. It make take a bit more time to set up my life to be had in the US and half in Europe, but it’s my plan!
HI Kara—Do you know about the Zingarelle in Sicily? My friend Michelle Titus started it for women in Sicily. https://www.instagram.com/zingarelle_sicilia/
An intimate letter, Anne. Thank you. Good advice. Shaking up something/anything is a chance to change one's life.
I’m glad you enjoyed it, Miki. :)
As I leave my home state of Nebraska, where I've lived my entire 49 years, and move to Virginia next week, I have to thank YOU, Anne, for being so honest and open about your own journey. My original plan is to eventually settle in the UK if I can, but for now, I'm hoping this change of scenery and move to a place overflowing with history will give me the peace I so crave. I know that yes, as you said, the personal problems won't magically go away. But one of my issues is just feeling stagnant where I am. I really hope that changes once I move. There's SO MUCH I want to explore in my new home, and I can't wait to get started. And my writing...oh how I want to fill my creative well and I have a feeling that will happen in my new environment.
These are such great points, Melissa, and exactly how I was feeling—STANGNANT. Change is so important, and I was craving it. With that comes uncertainty about the future, but that was what I wanted, to get out in the world and see what else was happening, what other lives out there might be possible for me. I sincerely hope your move gives you that recharge that you need. Best of luck to you!
Thank you so much, Anne! I appreciate all your support. :)
Happy holidays!
I am in process of figuring out where to live and if I even want to live one place for any more than a month or two at a time. I have spent the last fourteen years (with a break for Covid) traveling at least two months a year outside the US traveling by myself and the last two years doing the same for nine or ten months of the year. As to personal problems, they are just part of the mental landscape without reference to the geographical landscape. I am resonating to the distractions in the places outside the US that take my mind off the problems that dominate the culture of the US currently. I get restless after a month or two in any one place. I like living by myself, but I love making friends and getting to know the people I meet. I love visiting people I have met along the way. I need to be in places long enough to do some writing. I just booked six weeks in a Digital Nomad space in Porto, Portugal (did that last year). At the moment I am not seeking any sort of long term visa, I am just doing the visitor visa thing. Since I am retired with a modest pension, I do not have to look for a paying job other than hopes that the writing might produce income at some point. My grandchildren are old enough that a couple of visits are about as much as they want or need. I stay for a few weeks in the US twice a year. They have started traveling also (with a little help from Grandpa). My Siblings are much older than I, so I visit them each time I am in the country. For now this pattern of living is working, but I am still in process, considering my options as I go.
Thank you, Peter, for sharing your experiences. I’d love to spend some time in Porto sometime. I keep hearing about Portugal and haven’t been yet. Where is the place you stay there, or are going to stay? I’d love to hear about your experiences there.
One more thing! And I know not everyone will feel this way. If you have kids and expect to have grandkids, the most free you will ever feel is the time between launching your kids and the time grandkids come along. They can be like magnets. Many people do not want to live far away from grandkids. Just sayin’. So go forth and adventure!
(I didn’t mean to post my full comment in reply to Maggie!)
I think about this question of geographic relocation often. In fact, my first novel is about a woman who follows through on her dream of living in another country. And it’s set in 1989, not now. She had a passion that led her to another country.
And now, of course, my friends and family discuss this often. And I must admit that as soon as I cross a border out of the USA, my body relaxes. The constant need to be vigilant about gun violence is stressful. But, now, at the age of 77, the USA has its hooks in me because I want the medical care I am accustomed to, in my own language, and much of it paid for by Medicare. (I know I pay for that, too, no need to rush to remind me.) So actually relocating is off the table for me. The vision of traveling for long stretches still entices me. I’m fortunate with my secondary health insurance. It is quite generous when it comes to medical needs while traveling.
Yet, I remind myself that the long arm of fascism is wrapping itself around the globe. And the hegemonic influence of djt and the USA cannot be escaped.
I have lived outside the USA for two periods in my life, seven months in Mexico and 4 years in Canada. Both times I voluntarily returned home. As a writer, I am dismayed to admit that the names of places and rivers and flora and fauna in those other places didn’t resonate with me. Place is central to my writing. Maybe if I’d stayed longer they would have.
I applaud those who go; I feel a kinship with those who stay. These are such individual decisions.
I’m so glad, Patricia, that you have found a home in the US that meets your needs and feels relativley safe. We all need to do what is best in our situation. Still trying to figure that out for myself!