This is the perennial dialogue inside my head. I want out, but I am also a worse-case-scenario planner. I had a serious injury two years ago and gained a renewed appreciation for having close family nearby who understood our byzantine healthcare system in the US. I am in my early 60s, raising the risk level even more for moving somewhere without family or established close relationships. I crave the Ireland of half my lineage, but I have no basis for settling there. My biological father was German, which would give me citizenship rights--at least if I had already worked and lived there for eight years and spoke the language fluently. So, where to go is also part of the equation.
It’s all very daunting, I know. I took time to make my move and tried out things to see if it’s what I wanted first. I’m not sure about visa possibilities in Ireland. I looked into it once and couldn’t see anything very accessible. Maybe you could just start spending some time there.
It's really interesting to hear about how and why you made the decision to leave the US. I am from the UK and spent several years living and travelling abroad in my twenties. I lived and worked in South Korea and Vietnam, and spent holidays visiting countries all around Asia - it was magical! My travelling days were also cut short, and since being back in the UK for the past decade, my mind drifts that way every now and then. Reading your writing has brought back those feelings of freedom, adventure and peace I felt during that time - I think maybe I've still got a little spark of longing to go back to it one day.
Hi Lisa—I think it’s important to listen to our longings. Maybe they will lead us into a path we weren’t expecting, but suppressing them is not good for our mental or physical health.
Thank you Anne for this wonderful piece. I’m mainly looking at France because I’ve lived there and speak the language, which is big consideration when moving to a new place. But first I’m looking at moving around a bit first - a few months in different places to make sure before starting the French visa process. To stay in Scotland, did you enroll in graduate school?
Hi Manon—Yes, I went for the student visa. That was my only option here. Then I can get a graduate visa while I try to get a job or prepare to apply for the Global Talent visa (for which I need to be a published ficiton writer). France has more options. Wishing you much luck on your journey!
I am interested in this aspect of your experience: why and when do you start feeling a need for a more permanent "home", after the thrill of adventure? What does it depend on, what do you need to you feel "rooted"? How does one re-create a feeling of "roots" and "home", if and once that need arises?
I chose a profession which allows me to move to a different country every few years; it makes my life interesting and exciting and never dull. I enjoy it, but after 20+ years of this life I have started longing for a feeling of "stability" or "home" or "roots", whatever you call it. That shouldn't mean that I need to settle down in one single place permanently, that's surely not the only way of feeling "rooted" and safe: I wonder: how to achieve that feeling of "stability" in a way that matches my life choices? The downside of this kind of life is that even though you keep living in exciting places and meeting new people, it's hard to develop meaningful relationships and human connexions, which can lead to a certain sense of isolation. And I am more and more convinced that that is the crux of it: you can live anwhere you choose, but what makes you want to stay and create roots and what makes you feel at home is when you have built a network of meaningful human and social connexions. And living in a house or appartement that is or feels like "your own" seems to me to be the second most important thing. I wonder if you have been thinking about this.
(As an aside: I just finished your book about Constance Fenimore Woolson - very interesting and very well written!)
Hi Elisabeth—I’m delighted that you read my Woolson book. I’m so glad you enjoyed it! I love all of these questions ands have been thinking about them too. My body definitely wants me to slow down and stay put somewhere. And I’ve been thinking too about community and connection, craving it and missing it and wondering how to find that at this stage of my life when I can’t say that I’ll be staying longer term. I would like to write about this at some point.
Anne, I’m fairly new to Substack and just finding my way around. I love your honesty in sharing the challenges of making huge life changes. Reading about your quest for the country that can provide you with a visa I’m wondering if you have ever thought about South East Asia? I’m Canadian and after years of working abroad I’ve settled in Chiang Mai Thailand. Such an amazing place. Unbelievable beauty, wonderful welcoming people, great food, low cost of living and easy visas. I’m grateful every day for this choice. Wherever I go in the world, it’s always such a joy and relief to return to my home in Chiang Mai.
I've lived in several countries, with the US being the most current one. My husband and I have talked about going overseas again for the past few years, more so because I want my kiddo to experience a life with more adventure. I am personally tired of where I am because the systems aren't designed for certain people to thrive. I haven't given up on the US (there are some amazing people I've grown to cherish here) but for now, it may either be a break or we're headed to another state to be closer to family.
This post (and comments) are so interesting, insightful, and timely. It's hard to put into words my experiences but I will try. As many have said, the grass is not always greener on the other side. And, if you haven't done (or are willing to do) work on yourself, your location will not bring you the 100% happiness that you are seeking. My own experiences are quite unique. It might be different for others. I am originally from the UK and left 20 years when my husband suddenly died. I didn't fit into the traditional way of life: Married, kids, mortgage, job. I had always had dreams of being a writer but those were often dismissed for the expected way of life. My husband and I had traveled a lot so it really should have come as no surprise to anyone that after spending 3 weeks solo travel in Costa Rica, returning to the UK, another 3 week solo trip to the US, I packed everything up, rented out my flat, and had the intention of travelling for a year. Of course, I met husband #2 in the US, "fell in love" and stayed. Unfortunately my judgment was clouded, the marriage ended up being abusive, but I was too invested in my new life to leave (both the marriage and the country), and resolved to make it work while adjusting to a new culture, place, and building a business. Writing saved me to some extent during that time (both personally and professionally), until I eventually left the marriage due to a collapse of my health. Fast forward 10 years (I'm still in the US), and I'm now selling my current home, downsizing, moving to a new town (still within the same state), and once settled, considering pursing that writing MA, among other things. I don't desire to go back to the UK as they too have many issues which have grown since I left. There's issues here for sure as well but I think location depends on an individual's needs, age in life, health issues and more. We are all different and I respect and love that. I've eschewed the expected default life since my 20s (trying to fit into it but circumstances and life steered me elsewhere!) and I'm happy to see many others now doing the same. Do what's in your heart, no matter how long it takes to get there. Forge your own brave pathway and be happy above all else. AAnd yes there will be ups and downs but that's what makes it worthwhile 🥰 PS I'll also be doing a solo road trip with my dog across the states next year to kickstart travel again!
Thank you, Sharon, for sharing your story. Oh what twisted roads we travel. I really appreciate your advice to do what's in your heart. I've been doing that and boy have there been ups and downs. I have no idea where my heart will take me next, but I haven't landed anywhere to put down roots yet. (I'll write more about that in a future post.)
I love your posts, Anne! And the community of people who have grown up around it. Many kindred spirits for sure. I'm curious and interested to see where your heart takes you next 😊
Thankyou for sharing. May i suggest an out of the box idea; have you considered a move to Africa? Specifically Kenya. Im Kenyan and its a beautiful country with welcoming people. Alot of individuals and couples relocate to Kenya. Consider the coastal area away from Nairobi city life.
I have this conversation all the time with myself - having now moved to Canada. While there are some big factors that are better (gun violence and basic health care) it still feels like the slightly less worse version of the capitalist rat race.
I can relate, and having dual citizenship, my path is wide-open to live either in the US or Europe (where I was born). The US is dealing with many problems, and they seem to increase by the minute, but in Europe, there are many problems as well. Yes, it's beautiful to take the train and travel from country to country, and there is Venice, Tuscany, the charming Cotswolds, and Paris, to name just a few. But if one looks closer, there are many, many other problems. I could talk about this subject for hours, as I have been debating this for several years now. Shall I stay in the US, or move back to Europe? No place can give us what is missing in our hearts. So, the question is, what is missing? 💖
Since we have spoken before, I see more and more women with a similar reasons to leave (town, state, or country). I want to say I am not nomadic, but I have lived a life of constant movement.
The state people are forced to live (job, neighborhood, house, and the people) in Northern California has gotten brutal. Sexism/misogyny in construction manland is rampant. The activity by wannabe thugs in neighborhoods, makes it so you cannot leave your house to walk your dog without altercation. They play chase with the police, which recently ended with one crashing through my front yard, one foot from my living room wall. Gunfire, sirens, helicopters, screeching tires.. all normal around here. I won't get started on the condition of my rental home in this "great area."
I make good money, but as a single income, it equals out to the lower ends of town to get under $2500. a month for rent. I am tired of this life. I am weary from fight or flight. I just want to live in peace and without the struggle of this nation.
My kids pay $3800 a month to live in a nice area without all the riffraff. -Definitely not in my budget. Speaking with the owner of the AirBnb in Glasgow (he owns five) and said all of the mortgages together do not add up to that amount.
If you have any suggestions on where to go for a new sane beginning, I would love to hear them.
It depends. I have found rent to be about 1200 pounds/month for a nice 1BR. When I look a the house pricers I get serious sticker shock. The UK ain’t cheap!
I relate! I sold a small farm and big house/catering biz in 2019 ready to downsize and go into my mid 50s exploring an easier pace of life. Nothing felt like "home" in the US either. And I found too, that even established, with some cash for housing etc, I was priced out of everything that felt like a good plan. When everything got shut down in 2020 my nomadic "let's see about this" vanlife adventure was a real pain so I took my dog and headed to Mexico. It was all fine until someone broadsided us and I lost everything. Soooo, standing in the middle of the desert in a not friendly not touristed area of Sonora I stayed in an ugly dusty town where there were more stray dogs than people and I started pulling ticks and calling around for vets who would travel 4 hours to do clinics to spay some very sad females. I rent a horrible little house with a dusty back yard and the food is wretched hahahahahaha. There's no delivery, I have no address, and no one speaks English and my Spanish isn't the dialect they speak here, but STILL I press on. The next chapter isn't always amazing views and good bakeries though I wish it was. I've had to lean into this. I could have left I guess after a couple months after insurance gave me a pittance for my old Toyota van, but I felt like I'd be of service here. And I am, even if the only ones who care are 4 leggeds. Enjoy what you have in Scotland or wherever now and don't worry about a future visa or whatever. If the last 5 years has taught us anything, it's that THINGS WILL CHANGE. And FAST. Just live for today. xxoo
This hit me full in the chest. I currently have nomadic fantasies at the moment. My daughter has gone off to uni and I’m also single. I am a UK resident but worried we will go the way of the US (minus the gun violence). I also write and keep wondering whether to buy a van and just take off and continue the travelling I did before work and family took over. Thank you for this article, it is definitely good for thought. I think the Art Council need to review their non fiction bias!!
I agree! Will you let the Arts Council know? :) And congrats on your new freedom! I hope you find something inspiring and soul-enriching to do with it.
Love this, so inspirational. I love where you live, I read Bass Rock by Evie Wild a few years ago. Last year look my 21 daughter with me to see Bass Rock and on a pilgrimage to see significant sites of the persecution of women as witches across England and Scotland. Such a powerful location!!
I am jumping ship inch by inch. This will be my second winter in Sicily. There is art and history around every corner. It make take a bit more time to set up my life to be had in the US and half in Europe, but it’s my plan!
This is the perennial dialogue inside my head. I want out, but I am also a worse-case-scenario planner. I had a serious injury two years ago and gained a renewed appreciation for having close family nearby who understood our byzantine healthcare system in the US. I am in my early 60s, raising the risk level even more for moving somewhere without family or established close relationships. I crave the Ireland of half my lineage, but I have no basis for settling there. My biological father was German, which would give me citizenship rights--at least if I had already worked and lived there for eight years and spoke the language fluently. So, where to go is also part of the equation.
It’s all very daunting, I know. I took time to make my move and tried out things to see if it’s what I wanted first. I’m not sure about visa possibilities in Ireland. I looked into it once and couldn’t see anything very accessible. Maybe you could just start spending some time there.
It's really interesting to hear about how and why you made the decision to leave the US. I am from the UK and spent several years living and travelling abroad in my twenties. I lived and worked in South Korea and Vietnam, and spent holidays visiting countries all around Asia - it was magical! My travelling days were also cut short, and since being back in the UK for the past decade, my mind drifts that way every now and then. Reading your writing has brought back those feelings of freedom, adventure and peace I felt during that time - I think maybe I've still got a little spark of longing to go back to it one day.
Hi Lisa—I think it’s important to listen to our longings. Maybe they will lead us into a path we weren’t expecting, but suppressing them is not good for our mental or physical health.
Thank you Anne for this wonderful piece. I’m mainly looking at France because I’ve lived there and speak the language, which is big consideration when moving to a new place. But first I’m looking at moving around a bit first - a few months in different places to make sure before starting the French visa process. To stay in Scotland, did you enroll in graduate school?
Hi Manon—Yes, I went for the student visa. That was my only option here. Then I can get a graduate visa while I try to get a job or prepare to apply for the Global Talent visa (for which I need to be a published ficiton writer). France has more options. Wishing you much luck on your journey!
Thanks for the reply.
I am interested in this aspect of your experience: why and when do you start feeling a need for a more permanent "home", after the thrill of adventure? What does it depend on, what do you need to you feel "rooted"? How does one re-create a feeling of "roots" and "home", if and once that need arises?
I chose a profession which allows me to move to a different country every few years; it makes my life interesting and exciting and never dull. I enjoy it, but after 20+ years of this life I have started longing for a feeling of "stability" or "home" or "roots", whatever you call it. That shouldn't mean that I need to settle down in one single place permanently, that's surely not the only way of feeling "rooted" and safe: I wonder: how to achieve that feeling of "stability" in a way that matches my life choices? The downside of this kind of life is that even though you keep living in exciting places and meeting new people, it's hard to develop meaningful relationships and human connexions, which can lead to a certain sense of isolation. And I am more and more convinced that that is the crux of it: you can live anwhere you choose, but what makes you want to stay and create roots and what makes you feel at home is when you have built a network of meaningful human and social connexions. And living in a house or appartement that is or feels like "your own" seems to me to be the second most important thing. I wonder if you have been thinking about this.
(As an aside: I just finished your book about Constance Fenimore Woolson - very interesting and very well written!)
Hi Elisabeth—I’m delighted that you read my Woolson book. I’m so glad you enjoyed it! I love all of these questions ands have been thinking about them too. My body definitely wants me to slow down and stay put somewhere. And I’ve been thinking too about community and connection, craving it and missing it and wondering how to find that at this stage of my life when I can’t say that I’ll be staying longer term. I would like to write about this at some point.
Anne, I’m fairly new to Substack and just finding my way around. I love your honesty in sharing the challenges of making huge life changes. Reading about your quest for the country that can provide you with a visa I’m wondering if you have ever thought about South East Asia? I’m Canadian and after years of working abroad I’ve settled in Chiang Mai Thailand. Such an amazing place. Unbelievable beauty, wonderful welcoming people, great food, low cost of living and easy visas. I’m grateful every day for this choice. Wherever I go in the world, it’s always such a joy and relief to return to my home in Chiang Mai.
That is great to hear! I’ve heard wonderful things but never been. Will keep in mind. :)
I've lived in several countries, with the US being the most current one. My husband and I have talked about going overseas again for the past few years, more so because I want my kiddo to experience a life with more adventure. I am personally tired of where I am because the systems aren't designed for certain people to thrive. I haven't given up on the US (there are some amazing people I've grown to cherish here) but for now, it may either be a break or we're headed to another state to be closer to family.
Best of luck, Sarah, figuring out where you’ll land next!
Thank you!
This post (and comments) are so interesting, insightful, and timely. It's hard to put into words my experiences but I will try. As many have said, the grass is not always greener on the other side. And, if you haven't done (or are willing to do) work on yourself, your location will not bring you the 100% happiness that you are seeking. My own experiences are quite unique. It might be different for others. I am originally from the UK and left 20 years when my husband suddenly died. I didn't fit into the traditional way of life: Married, kids, mortgage, job. I had always had dreams of being a writer but those were often dismissed for the expected way of life. My husband and I had traveled a lot so it really should have come as no surprise to anyone that after spending 3 weeks solo travel in Costa Rica, returning to the UK, another 3 week solo trip to the US, I packed everything up, rented out my flat, and had the intention of travelling for a year. Of course, I met husband #2 in the US, "fell in love" and stayed. Unfortunately my judgment was clouded, the marriage ended up being abusive, but I was too invested in my new life to leave (both the marriage and the country), and resolved to make it work while adjusting to a new culture, place, and building a business. Writing saved me to some extent during that time (both personally and professionally), until I eventually left the marriage due to a collapse of my health. Fast forward 10 years (I'm still in the US), and I'm now selling my current home, downsizing, moving to a new town (still within the same state), and once settled, considering pursing that writing MA, among other things. I don't desire to go back to the UK as they too have many issues which have grown since I left. There's issues here for sure as well but I think location depends on an individual's needs, age in life, health issues and more. We are all different and I respect and love that. I've eschewed the expected default life since my 20s (trying to fit into it but circumstances and life steered me elsewhere!) and I'm happy to see many others now doing the same. Do what's in your heart, no matter how long it takes to get there. Forge your own brave pathway and be happy above all else. AAnd yes there will be ups and downs but that's what makes it worthwhile 🥰 PS I'll also be doing a solo road trip with my dog across the states next year to kickstart travel again!
Thank you, Sharon, for sharing your story. Oh what twisted roads we travel. I really appreciate your advice to do what's in your heart. I've been doing that and boy have there been ups and downs. I have no idea where my heart will take me next, but I haven't landed anywhere to put down roots yet. (I'll write more about that in a future post.)
I love your posts, Anne! And the community of people who have grown up around it. Many kindred spirits for sure. I'm curious and interested to see where your heart takes you next 😊
Thankyou for sharing. May i suggest an out of the box idea; have you considered a move to Africa? Specifically Kenya. Im Kenyan and its a beautiful country with welcoming people. Alot of individuals and couples relocate to Kenya. Consider the coastal area away from Nairobi city life.
I have this conversation all the time with myself - having now moved to Canada. While there are some big factors that are better (gun violence and basic health care) it still feels like the slightly less worse version of the capitalist rat race.
That’s interesting, Makayla. And too bad. It feels like the rat race is spreading the globe.
I can relate, and having dual citizenship, my path is wide-open to live either in the US or Europe (where I was born). The US is dealing with many problems, and they seem to increase by the minute, but in Europe, there are many problems as well. Yes, it's beautiful to take the train and travel from country to country, and there is Venice, Tuscany, the charming Cotswolds, and Paris, to name just a few. But if one looks closer, there are many, many other problems. I could talk about this subject for hours, as I have been debating this for several years now. Shall I stay in the US, or move back to Europe? No place can give us what is missing in our hearts. So, the question is, what is missing? 💖
Indeed. The inner journey is way more important than the outer one. Planning to write more about htat.
Since we have spoken before, I see more and more women with a similar reasons to leave (town, state, or country). I want to say I am not nomadic, but I have lived a life of constant movement.
The state people are forced to live (job, neighborhood, house, and the people) in Northern California has gotten brutal. Sexism/misogyny in construction manland is rampant. The activity by wannabe thugs in neighborhoods, makes it so you cannot leave your house to walk your dog without altercation. They play chase with the police, which recently ended with one crashing through my front yard, one foot from my living room wall. Gunfire, sirens, helicopters, screeching tires.. all normal around here. I won't get started on the condition of my rental home in this "great area."
I make good money, but as a single income, it equals out to the lower ends of town to get under $2500. a month for rent. I am tired of this life. I am weary from fight or flight. I just want to live in peace and without the struggle of this nation.
Yikes! That is way too much to spend for rent! And way too much to deal with on top of it. I hope you can find a saner place to live.
My kids pay $3800 a month to live in a nice area without all the riffraff. -Definitely not in my budget. Speaking with the owner of the AirBnb in Glasgow (he owns five) and said all of the mortgages together do not add up to that amount.
If you have any suggestions on where to go for a new sane beginning, I would love to hear them.
It depends. I have found rent to be about 1200 pounds/month for a nice 1BR. When I look a the house pricers I get serious sticker shock. The UK ain’t cheap!
Because of the recent raising of the taxes situation out there, the UK is not going to be attainable for me. Back to the drawing board.
Aw, too bad. I’ve heard about that but haven’t really thought about it for myself. I’ll look into it.
I relate! I sold a small farm and big house/catering biz in 2019 ready to downsize and go into my mid 50s exploring an easier pace of life. Nothing felt like "home" in the US either. And I found too, that even established, with some cash for housing etc, I was priced out of everything that felt like a good plan. When everything got shut down in 2020 my nomadic "let's see about this" vanlife adventure was a real pain so I took my dog and headed to Mexico. It was all fine until someone broadsided us and I lost everything. Soooo, standing in the middle of the desert in a not friendly not touristed area of Sonora I stayed in an ugly dusty town where there were more stray dogs than people and I started pulling ticks and calling around for vets who would travel 4 hours to do clinics to spay some very sad females. I rent a horrible little house with a dusty back yard and the food is wretched hahahahahaha. There's no delivery, I have no address, and no one speaks English and my Spanish isn't the dialect they speak here, but STILL I press on. The next chapter isn't always amazing views and good bakeries though I wish it was. I've had to lean into this. I could have left I guess after a couple months after insurance gave me a pittance for my old Toyota van, but I felt like I'd be of service here. And I am, even if the only ones who care are 4 leggeds. Enjoy what you have in Scotland or wherever now and don't worry about a future visa or whatever. If the last 5 years has taught us anything, it's that THINGS WILL CHANGE. And FAST. Just live for today. xxoo
Thank you. Yes, very much trying to live for today. And best of luck to you in the desert!
This hit me full in the chest. I currently have nomadic fantasies at the moment. My daughter has gone off to uni and I’m also single. I am a UK resident but worried we will go the way of the US (minus the gun violence). I also write and keep wondering whether to buy a van and just take off and continue the travelling I did before work and family took over. Thank you for this article, it is definitely good for thought. I think the Art Council need to review their non fiction bias!!
I agree! Will you let the Arts Council know? :) And congrats on your new freedom! I hope you find something inspiring and soul-enriching to do with it.
Love this, so inspirational. I love where you live, I read Bass Rock by Evie Wild a few years ago. Last year look my 21 daughter with me to see Bass Rock and on a pilgrimage to see significant sites of the persecution of women as witches across England and Scotland. Such a powerful location!!
Sounds like a wonderful trip! I lived for four months with the sight of Bass Rock out my window. I developed a deep love for it, for sure!
I would love to go to those sites too! I shall have to read the book
I am jumping ship inch by inch. This will be my second winter in Sicily. There is art and history around every corner. It make take a bit more time to set up my life to be had in the US and half in Europe, but it’s my plan!
HI Kara—Do you know about the Zingarelle in Sicily? My friend Michelle Titus started it for women in Sicily. https://www.instagram.com/zingarelle_sicilia/
An intimate letter, Anne. Thank you. Good advice. Shaking up something/anything is a chance to change one's life.
I’m glad you enjoyed it, Miki. :)